Urban Kvetch

April 29, 2010

Staying in the Closet Enough is enough. You're thirty-plus and the overcompensating is getting to be a burden on us. I'm not going to set you up with straight chicks anymore. I'm just enabling. Gay life is bet...

Urban Kvetch: Girls Who Hang Out With Guys Cause Girls Are “Too Jealous”

April 29, 2010

1

Girls Who Hang Out With Guys Cause Girls Are "Too Jealous" We're not jealous. You see, men only sit through your bullshit because they want to insert themselves inside of you. They will listen to you say thing...

Urban Kvetch: My Last Date

April 29, 2010

1

My Last Date I don't mind paying, but don't pretend I have a choice. Motioning oh-so-innocently toward your purse and asking me if you can pay half is not a sincere offer. Rather, it is a dual warning: If I le...

Urban Kvetch: Costa Rica

April 29, 2010

1

Costa Rica Now, I've got nothing against the people or even the land. The problem I have is with people who think they're doing anything other than paying for the right to say they're not at Miami Beach. You'r...

Urban Kvetch: The Dalai Lama

April 29, 2010

The Dalai Lama That's right, you smirking little bastard—you were listed as treyf opposite Dolly Parton in our Spring issue. What's the matter? Not getting as much attention now that the Falun Gong started put...

Urban Kvetch: Over-eager Busboys

April 29, 2010

Over-eager busboys "Get away from our plates!" We don't care if there are only morsels left. You know, in many places in the world it's actually bad manners for a busboy to lurk and wait to snatch up your plat...

Urban Kvetch: Homies

April 29, 2010

Homies David Gonzalez says he created these one-inch tall plastic figurines with names such as "Big Vato," "Dr. Bomba" and "El Grumpy" out of love, and we can only imagine that it was for the same reason that ...

Urban Kvetch: Schnorrers at Yonah Schimmel’s Knishery

April 29, 2010

Schnorrers at Yonah Schimmel's Knishery For crying out loud, this is like trying to win at three card monty. The house wins every time. Schimmel's has been here since 1910. Do you really think that you are the...

Urban Kvetch: Faux Mitzvahs

April 29, 2010

Faux Mitzvahs What's the average American kid to do when his/her Jewish counterparts are having the bar/bat mitzvahs of the century? Have their parents throw a faux mitzvah...

Urban Kvetch: JDate

April 29, 2010

JDate The Internet ad reads: "760,424 blue-eyed women at JDate.com and counting," and another tallies green-eyed men. Is JDate encouraging us to JHate? Of course lots of Jews are light as can be. But with the ...

Urban Kvetch: Anti-Anti Smokers

April 29, 2010