Urban Kvetch: Two Dimes and a Nickel
Two Dimes and a Nickel
The ice cream comes out to $4.50. I give you a five and you give me a quarter, two dimes and a nickel. Are you rationing for some pinball war I should know about? You've got plenty of qu...
Urban Kvetch: Our Founding Fathers
Our Founding Fathers
Just because they dressed like dorks it doesn't mean they would've been Republican assholes like you if they were around today. You think because Jefferson believed in "life, liberty and t...
Urban Kvetch: The WGA
The WGA
I come from Russian-Jewish stock. I practically have socialism running in my veins. But when, in the wake of a nasty strike, the WGA leadership makes public the names of those who have opted out of t...
Urban Kvetch: The Star’s Producing Partner
The Star's Producing Partner
You grew up with him. Or went to acting class with her. Or were the first dude he met the day before finally getting cast on the show that Changed His Life. But because your name i...
Urban Kvetch: Bad Nuts
Bad Nuts
Once in a while, even when munchin' on, say, a bag of high-end Bazzini cashews, you'll come across a nut that tastes a li'l fruitier than the others. Disgusting. So, who in their right mind would have...
Urban Kvetch: My Yoga Instructor
My Yoga Instructor
With your dark hair pulled back, smoldering eyes, scrupulous Ashtanga technique and mild scent of patchouli, you, sir, are a walking cliche(from the '90s no less), yet when you told me aft...
Urban Kvetch: Catholic School Girls
Catholic School Girls
Who was the genius who thought up dressing Catholic school girls as Catholic school girls? Like the Gap is just too revealing for your precious daughter—instead, dress her up in a seeth...
Urban Kvetch: Stamps
Stamps
Am I seriously standing here on line while you contemplate whether to go with a book of Liberty Bells, American Scientists or Beautiful Blooms? It's a postage stamp, not the name of your next child. I...
Urban Kvetch: People Who Don’t Cover Their Mouths When They Cough
People Who Don't Cover Their Mouths When They Cough
If you slapped me in the face (lightly) as I walked past you at the intersection of Second Avenue and 11th Street you could be charged with assault and bat...
Urban Kvetch: Comedians on NPR
Comedians on NPR
Recently, NPR has become the go-to place for top comedians to explain all the funny out of their material. Listing to everyone from Matt Stone to Sarah Silverman play along with droll, stuff...
Urban Kvetch: Little Girls with Lipstick
Little Girls With Lipstick
Moms of America, I beg you: Stop putting makeup on your little girls. Your red-lipped three-year-olds don't need pink nail polish to dig in the dirt for worms or run through a spri...
Urban Kvetch: Your Voice Mail
Your Voice Mail
Isn't it enough that I endure the same ten muffled seconds of Lil' Wayne's "Lollipop" song every time I get your voicemail? Must that be followed by a half-hour of automated exposition on how...
