Author Heeb

Manischewitz Jokes Oh, I get it. You're like an inner city thug drinking Manischewitz instead of a 40... Can we all agree to put a moratorium on punch lines involving this syrupy Jew juice? Yes, it's strange t...

Second Ave. Deli Please just move to Times Square where you belong. Think about it: All the German and Japanese tourists will be within walking distance, and you can even raise the price of a pastrami sandwich...

Slow ATM Users What in the name of God is taking you so long? Get out your $20 for half-price margarita night and be on your way. The numbers on the keyboard go in order. And in case that is too complicated, t...

Girls Who Date Their Yoga Teachers Does another one of my friends seriously have to entertain a smarmy flirtation with her yoga teacher? Is this really a better alternative to meeting guys at a bar? The fact t...

Gourmet Ice Cream It's summer in the city and it's so hot out that the air is getting wavy. You run with the rest of the kids down the block, chasing the ice cream truck, only to find some alien stand-in, some...

Boston Drivers Look, it's not like I don't appreciate your letting me cross while you still have a green light. But you were the last car in line. I had my course timed to pass right behind you as you drove by...

Post-Flush Etiquette in Public Restrooms Why does a minute and a half elapse between the time you flush the toilet and actually exit the stall? What exactly are you doing in there for those extra 90 seconds? A...

Birthday Announcements I hardly know you, but for some reason you’re telling me that today’s your birthday. How do you want me to react to this information? Am I now compelled to organize some sort of imprompt...

Used-Up Pens This process isn’t complicated: Purchase pen. Use pen. Dispose of pen. There’s no need to leave your chewed-up ballpoint around for posterity’s sake. Don’t you have some old Polaroids of girlfrien...

Taking Pictures of Tourist Attractions I don’t have a problem with people wanting to see famous landmarks or taking pictures with their friends and family in front of them. But when I see tourists taking a pic...

The Vegetarian Option Mr. Parmesan Chicken sitting next to me is served a brownie for dessert and all I get is a piece of cantaloupe and half a grape? I paid the same price for my airplane ticket and yet the s...

Libraries There was a time when Utopian ideals, free love and sticking it to the man were all the rage; when libraries were a place for the free exchange of information and an incubator for ideas. But let’...