An Open Letter to J.J. Abrams
Not one Jew on Flight 815?!? Why not an Hasidic diamond dealer flying to L.A. after a weekend affair with a meth-smoking Australian prostitute?
Chosen TV: V, Which Is the Naziest?
The new remake has a 21st-century gloss, but how does it compare in the Holocaust analogy department?
Chosen Music: The National, High Violet
It's almost as if the band was too concerned about waking up their babies, so they gave us a record of ballads.
Weapons of Mass Delusions: Noam Chomsky on the Guilt of a Nation
In 1967, as nearly half a million American troops fought in Vietnam, MIT linguistics professor Noam Chomsky wrote an essay for the New York Review of Books that derided his fellow intellectuals for standing...
It’s Germany Week at Heeb
To rediscover the country that gave us Einstein, beer, the automobile, WWII and scheisse videos, both Heeb's publisher and its beloved Dreidel Hustler are visiting the Fatherland all this week. As Josh analyzes...
Urban Kvetch: Opening Credits in Short Films
Opening Credits in Short Films
Listen Scorsese, next time you plan to devote three minutes of your short to an opening title sequence designed by your cousin the "amazing graphic artist," please invite me to y...
Urban Kvetch: Bad Kissers
Bad Kissers
By the time you're a grown-up, you should know what you're doing with your lips and your tongue and your hands and your body when you're kissing someone. And if you're not popular and have had hard...
Urban Kvetch: Airplane Touch Screens
Airplane Touch Screens
Who's the genius that came up with the idea of touch screens on the back of airline seats? On top of the empty stomach I have from not being fed and the anxiety I'm feeling from only car...
Urban Kvetch: Uncle Solly’s Death
Uncle Solly's Death
You know what? Uncle Solly didn't "just know" to expire the Friday before Presidents DAy weekend so that your second cousins from Rancho Palos Verde, California, would be able to make it to...
Urban Kvetch: Scooped-Out Bagels
Scooped-Out Bagels
If God meant for us to scoop out the insides of our bagels, he wouldn't have designed the bagel with a hole in it already. IF you're really concerned that you're going to get fat from eating...
Urban Kvetch: “Untitled”
"Untitled"
Oh, God, if I have to hear another band introduce a song by saying, "This song is called...'Untitled.'" Like words cannot convey the depths of your emotions—they may have been good enough for Wordsw...
Urban Kvetch: Whole Foods Etiquette
Whole Foods Etiquette
You pick up a vegan oatmeal date scone with your bare hands, consider it and then put it back. You turn around and I glare at you, hating you for making me reconsider every scone I've eve...
