20 · The Music Issue

May 6, 2010

Bad Kissers By the time you're a grown-up, you should know what you're doing with your lips and your tongue and your hands and your body when you're kissing someone. And if you're not popular and have had hard...

Urban Kvetch: Airplane Touch Screens

May 6, 2010

Airplane Touch Screens Who's the genius that came up with the idea of touch screens on the back of airline seats? On top of the empty stomach I have from not being fed and the anxiety I'm feeling from only car...

Urban Kvetch: Uncle Solly’s Death

May 6, 2010

Uncle Solly's Death You know what? Uncle Solly didn't "just know" to expire the Friday before Presidents DAy weekend so that your second cousins from Rancho Palos Verde, California, would be able to make it to...

Urban Kvetch: Scooped-Out Bagels

May 6, 2010

Scooped-Out Bagels If God meant for us to scoop out the insides of our bagels, he wouldn't have designed the bagel with a hole in it already. IF you're really concerned that you're going to get fat from eating...

Erik Parker

jessie

April 21, 2009

1

Stationed in front of a large canvas, holding the tiniest brush I've ever seen, one of Erik Parker's studio assistants paints neon yellow saliva dripping from the mouth of an ornate, psychologically disturbed h...

Eric Yahnker

April 15, 2009

7

Eric Yahnker's left forearm is permanently marked by what he calls his "Heebraham" tattoo—a portrait of Abraham Lincoln with a Star of David resting just below the beard. "Whenever a gentile asks me what it tak...

50 Cent: Blood in the Sand

March 24, 2009

5

On the surface, and even at its core, the latest videogame from 50 Cent is nothing short of a self-serving boner jam of big guns, fast cars and masculinity at its most moronic—and that's exactly why you should ...

Adult Nights

March 24, 2009

Seth Pitman, Wild Light's keyboardist and backup vocalist, tells me the story of the highly noticeable Star of David dangling around his neck. "An Israeli soldier gave me the necklace, and I've worn it pretty m...

Me So Normal

March 24, 2009

7

by Brian Abrams What happens when a hip-hop svengali notorious for his sexual exploits and raunchy musical stylings finally ties the knot? Well, if you're Luther "Uncle Luke" Campbell, the 2 Live Crew ringle...

Bound but Not Gagged

March 24, 2009

13

"Ellen or Rosie and I have nothing in common; they're old-school joke tellers," says Sandra Bernhard. "My act is more akin to burlesque-rock 'n' roll-cabaret. If I don't get my audience turned on, then I'm not ...

The Future is a Memory

March 24, 2009