Whole Foods Etiquette You pick up a vegan oatmeal date scone with your bare hands, consider it and then put it back. You turn around and I glare at you, hating you for making me reconsider every scone I've eve...

Manischewitz Jokes Oh, I get it. You're like an inner city thug drinking Manischewitz instead of a 40... Can we all agree to put a moratorium on punch lines involving this syrupy Jew juice? Yes, it's strange t...

Second Ave. Deli Please just move to Times Square where you belong. Think about it: All the German and Japanese tourists will be within walking distance, and you can even raise the price of a pastrami sandwich...

Slow ATM Users What in the name of God is taking you so long? Get out your $20 for half-price margarita night and be on your way. The numbers on the keyboard go in order. And in case that is too complicated, t...

Girls Who Date Their Yoga Teachers Does another one of my friends seriously have to entertain a smarmy flirtation with her yoga teacher? Is this really a better alternative to meeting guys at a bar? The fact t...

Gourmet Ice Cream It's summer in the city and it's so hot out that the air is getting wavy. You run with the rest of the kids down the block, chasing the ice cream truck, only to find some alien stand-in, some...

Boston Drivers Look, it's not like I don't appreciate your letting me cross while you still have a green light. But you were the last car in line. I had my course timed to pass right behind you as you drove by...

Post-Flush Etiquette in Public Restrooms Why does a minute and a half elapse between the time you flush the toilet and actually exit the stall? What exactly are you doing in there for those extra 90 seconds? A...

Birthday Announcements I hardly know you, but for some reason you’re telling me that today’s your birthday. How do you want me to react to this information? Am I now compelled to organize some sort of imprompt...