Urban Kvetch: Pasadena
Pasadena
If I got off on buying the same crewneck sweater in eight different colors at Talbots, this'd be heaven. I used to live within a mile of the beach and a 14-theater AMC; now I've got a giant sign that ...
Urban Kvetch: Girls Who “Already Ate”
Girls Who "Already Ate"
I order a big hunk of lasagna and you get a house salad because you "already ate." Excuse me? Either you're a bitch for putting me through six different e-mail exchanges dedicated to fi...
Urban Kvetch: Wobbly Tables
Wobbly Tables
This is a flipping four-star restaurant. The sauteed skate we ordered came with cauliflower that you spent a week and a half caramelizing and a caper-raisin emulsion that required a Ph.D. in Chem...
Urban Kvetch: The Demise Of The Fortune Cookie
The Demise Of The Fortune Cookie
Remember fortunes? Something that foretells a new job, love or financial windfall; a prediction that eerily rings true that you'll superstitiously keep in your wallet; or at le...
Urban Kvetch: Dance Dance Revolution
Dance Dance Revolution
Quit claiming it's "just like Guitar Hero." Dance Dance Revolution is to Guitar Hero what Napoleon Dynamite is to Justin Timberlake. Anyone who attempted their DDR "dance moves" in the r...
Urban Kvetch: The Locker Room At The Friar’s Club
The Locker Room At The Friar's Club
To all of those Christian groups dedicated to "curing" homosexuality through "reparative therapy": just send Ted Haggard to the locker room at the Friars Club and expose him...
Urban Kvetch: Your First Day On The Job
Your First Day On The Job
You get introduced to the same people five times and you still can't remember anyone's name, then you're seated at a desk and given nothing to do, so you spend the afternoon straighte...
Urban Kvetch: WebMD.com
WebMD.com
So, Mr. WebMD, I had a slight rash on my face, which turned out to be a simple allergic reaction to my moisturizer. But according to you, I had incurable facial tumors, sun poisoning, melanoma and ch...
Urban Kvetch: Mr. Met
Mr. Met
Mets fans aren't some sushi-rolling, lemonade-sipping pansy-asses. The blue in the team logo is a reflection of the hue around our collars. We may have some sentimentality for team mascot Mr. Met, but ...
Urban Kvetch: Asian People Who Insist On Doing Karaoke In Their Native Tongues
Asian People Who Insist On Doing Karaoke In Their Native Tongues
Do you see me doing a rendition of "Hatikvah"? The whole point of karaoke is to choose a song that everyone's heard before so we can all experie...
Urban Kvetch: Your Annoying Plus One
Your Annoying Plus One
So you had to invite your new "friend" to come out with the boys. She got belligerently drunk and wouldn't stop screeching about "chilling" in a recording studio with Lenny Kravitz ("…an...
Urban Kvetch: People Who Claim To Be Afraid Of Clowns
People Who Claim To Be Afraid Of Clowns
Here's the thing: They're not. They just think that saying they are makes for some sort of childhood-trauma personality accoutrement, fostering the illusion that they're...
