Urban Kvetch: Boston Drivers
Boston Drivers
Look, it's not like I don't appreciate your letting me cross while you still have a green light. But you were the last car in line. I had my course timed to pass right behind you as you drove by...
Urban Kvetch: Post-Flush Etiquette in Public Restrooms
Post-Flush Etiquette in Public Restrooms
Why does a minute and a half elapse between the time you flush the toilet and actually exit the stall? What exactly are you doing in there for those extra 90 seconds? A...
Urban Kvetch: Birthday Announcements
Birthday Announcements
I hardly know you, but for some reason you’re telling me that today’s your birthday. How do you want me to react to this information? Am I now compelled to organize some sort of imprompt...
Urban Kvetch: Used-Up Pens
Used-Up Pens
This process isn’t complicated: Purchase pen. Use pen. Dispose of pen. There’s no need to leave your chewed-up ballpoint around for posterity’s sake. Don’t you have some old Polaroids of girlfrien...
Urban Kvetch: Taking Pictures of Tourist Attractions
Taking Pictures of Tourist Attractions
I don’t have a problem with people wanting to see famous landmarks or taking pictures with their friends and family in front of them. But when I see tourists taking a pic...
Robo-Schtupp
The year is 2020—the massage parlors are empty. Millions of dejected prostitutes have gone back to school. And Hasidic Jews all over the world are achieving sexual fulfillment within the confines of their own h...
D-I-Y Lox
This recipe is not just a great take on a classic—it's also a terrific way to make your New Year's resolutions stick. Trying to save money? Make your own lox instead of buying it at the overpriced gourmet store...
Grave New World
Sitting down at the table with Howard Bloom, Mitchell Joachim, Daniel Pinchbeck and Douglas Rushkoff is worse than sitting down with your grandmother. At least your grandmother feeds you after she frightens you about where the world is headed.
Heaven’s Rejects
For many Christians, the Apocalypse represents a time when their beloved Savior will return and bring them to the big line dance in the sky; for the rest of us, the idea of "the end of days" sounds a little mor...
Shore Thing
I'm taking a piss in the foulest men's room in Coney Island when Artemis Pebdani bursts in. Apparently unconcerned that I might consider the act of urination to be a private moment, the actress pulls a lighter ...
Kid Soaked In Mother’s Milk
You're ripped from your mother's womb, denied her milk, stuffed in a crate for the remainder of your wretched days, then slaughtered, ground and shipped to upscale shoppes the world over. Well, upscale shoppes ...
Death Becomes Him
Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist, deals with his own mortality.
