Nice Jewish Aliens

We don’t know if any of those stars twinkling up above have six points, but we’re not the first to wonder whether the planets they’re orbiting keep kosher. If a UFO were to land tomorrow, we should be so lucky to have a couple of the NJAs below disembark.

The Joozians

Heeb Magazine Future Issue Nice Jewish Aliens The Joozians South Park

In South Park‘s 100th episode, the kids discover that the peopling of Earth was a result of the machinations of the Joozians, huge-schnozzed/fro’d aliens who control all the media in the universe. The Joozians, we learn, seeded the Earth with diverse species from around the universe in order to shoot an intergalactic reality show, which confirms my long-held suspicion that on the universal IQ scale, we earthlings are basically the Heidi Montags of the cosmos.

The Solomons

Heeb Magazine Future Issue Nice Jewish Aliens The Solomons Third Rock From the Sun

If John Lithgow and the rest of his alien clan from Third Rock from the Sun don’t look all that Jewy, it’s because they are actually converts. In one episode, late in the first season, the mild-mannered aliens attempt to figure out human ethnicity and deduce that they are Jewish because their surname is decidedly Hebraic. Even though, later on the episode we learn that the name was chosen at random from the side of a truck, we still can’t help but feel a little flattered.

Dr. Zoidberg

Heeb Magazine Future Issue Nice Jewish Aliens Dr. Zoidberg Futurama

Somewhere out there a reader with no girlfriend and the complete Futurama series on DVD is poised to write us a nasty letter informing us that “Zoidberg wasn’t even allowed at the ‘Bot Mitzvah’ (the robot equivalent of a Bar/Bat Mitzvah) in Season Four because he’s a shell fish.” But please consider the following: He’s a doctor, his name ends with “berg” and he speaks with a Yiddish accent.


Heeb Magazine Future Issue Nice Jewish Aliens Watto Star Wars: Episode I

Between the hook nose, black hat and the incessant haggling, this Toydarian junk dealer from Star Wars: Episode I seemed right out of central Semitic casting. He may not be the most pleasant company for an interstellar voyage, but we can’t help but admiring him for the way he totally blew off Quigon Jin with his classic putdown: “Your [Jedi] mind tricks don’t work on me. Only money.”

Reuben Flagg

Heeb Magazine Future Issue Nice Jewish Aliens Reuben Flagg American Flagg

Although he is of human descent, the Jewish protagonist of American Flagg, Howard Chaykin’s cult classic comic book, was born on Mars and later returned to Earth, which technically makes him a “visitor.” Back in the good old U.S. of A, Flagg enforced the law, fought corruption and satisfied the ladies, including one hot Nazi chick in a literal “fuck you” to Hitler’s Third Reich.

The Aliens From SignsÂ

Heeb Magazine Future Issue Nice Jewish Aliens Mel Gibson Aliens from Signs

Although these inverted-nosed visitors may not be explicitly “Jewish,” the fact that their main adversary is a Catholic priest played by Mel Gibson makes them, at the very least, honorary Members of The Tribe.

What do you think?

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12 Responses

  1. pogue23

    Two things:

    1. Mel Gibson did not portray a Catholic Priest in Signs. Catholic Priests are celibate. Mel’s priest lived on a farm with his WIFE AND KIDS. He was a protestant pastor. How this detail escaped you, I do not know.

    2. How the HELL can you have a list of Jewish aliens without the most stereotypical Space Jews of all. the goddamn FORENGHI from Star Trek? Big Noses, Big ears, small, cunning, greedy, ugly, Obsessed with money. They may as well have been lifted wholesale from a Nazi anti-jew propaganda films. I mean really.. do you even watch TV? how do you miss that one?

  2. jewdar

    In my defense I will say that the “Signs” stuff was added by some other editor, not me, so I claim no responsibility.

    As for the Ferenghi, I have to say that of all the accusations made against me in my life, nobody has ever alleged that I don’t watch enough TV. I contemplated the Ferenghi for about a second, and then I realized that only punk-asses care anything about non-Kirk so-called Star Trek.

  3. miconian

    I always thought the Bjorans were Israelis. The ridged nose evokes the stereotype without actually manifesting it. Much more subtle than the Farenghi.

  4. Puck

    I think the Bajorans were Israelis, if you look at their history of occupation and near destruction at the hands of the third-reich esque Cardassians and their religious background it seems like that’s the parallel the producers were going for.

  5. Anonymous

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  6. Stan

    The Aliens in signs ressemble closly by their avertion to water to the jewish demons like the Sherim and Shedim in other terms azazel’s spawn; look at their feet they’re goat-like.
    And i might also quote from the film if you remember the battle with aliens took a climax in the middle east, just as the jews and christians banished devils according to the Bible.

  7. seot the spaceman

    I get this. But don’t forget that explicit insertion of a Jewish ‘alien’ over the top of an originally African-American (and presumably not Jewish) ‘alien’ – Lando Carolussian in Something, Something Dark Side. That family guy parody put one of those most outrageous Jewish parodies into a galaxy far far away – the infamous Mort Goldman playing a black Jewish Lando.


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