_Heeb_ Presents:
Look in the Closet
Â
You walk in the closet and much to your surprise you ï¬nd
yourself face-to-face with Vice President Cheney.
Â
"Vice President Cheney, what are you doing here?"
A startled Che...
_Heeb_ Presents: Choose Your Own Adventure
The alarm clock goes off in the Lincoln Bedroom. Movers are barking at one other in the next room, a reminder that it's the morning of January 20, 2009, and your ï¬nal hours as President of the United States a...
_Heeb_ Presents:
Start Your Day
You skim through your morning Intelligence Brieï¬ng: Satellite images show a Russian troop build-up in Western Georgia; a fast-moving wildï¬re about 30 miles east of San Diego is spreading; ...
_Heeb_ Presents:
Hit the Snooze Button
Â
Bzzt! That damn snooze button is going off again. Â
Do you:
Hit snooze once more.
OR
Start your day....
_Heeb_ Presents:
Do the Lord's Bidding
The Secret Service drives you to Ginsburg's house and hands you a set of keys. You get out of the car, take a deep breath and walk towards the front door. Your hands sweat. Your heart b...
_Heeb_ Presents:
Computer Golf in the Study
Â
Gosh darn, your study has been entirely packed up by the moving company, including your computer. Stacks of boxes ï¬ll the room. You open one of them. Aw, here's the flight ...
Squarely Legal
You know how media outlets like Gawker have been reporting on Bill Murray's oddball behavior as of late? Well, some rampant Huluing of ancient television shows has uncovered a very interesting piece of Bill Mu...
Isn’t That Adorable?
This is one of those links that someone sends to you and the end result is a little painful upchuck in the office trashcan. You then find the strength to go back and say, "Who else can I punish with this w...
Hamasturbation
"Hamasturbation" refers to the subtle stroking that Gaza's most beloved mass murderers receive from certain figures in the press and the diplomatic corps. First, there was this one, that made sure to...
Let’s Turn to the Text
Dear friends, I stand corrected! The iPhone has pointless dollar-suck applications AND pointless religious applications. For those of you that loathe anything in physical form (everyone), get your prayers texte...
_Che_: The _Heeb_ Review
by Jed Oelbaum Ernesto Guevara, doctor, Jedi freedom fighter, popular T-shirt design and the subject of Steven Soderbergh's fawning four and a half hour Che, was executed in Bolivia, already beaten down by the ...
The Real Cliches of Television
I thought People magazine was kidding when it announced that the next iteration of "The Real Housewives of..." travesty would take place in New Jersey. (See the October 13th issue--the one with Paul N...
