"Hamasturbation" refers to the subtle stroking that Gaza’s most beloved mass murderers receive from certain figures in the press and the diplomatic corps. First, there was this one, that made sure to let us know that even though Israel targeted a Hamas police graduation, not all police officers are true believers. Then there was this piece reminding us that even though the Gaza tunnels are used to smuggle arms, they are also used for civilian smuggling.
Now, we know, we know, it is perfectly legitimate to point these things out. What we have an issue with is that it never seems to be pointed out to the benefit of the Israelis. According to the logic of the above, attacks on Israeli soldiers might as well be marked by a reminder that Israeli soldiers are all conscripts, whose political views often differ from that of the government, and many of them are civilians serving in the reserves. It might also be pointed out that every Hamas missile attack is directed at civilians.
That would be absurd, and Jewdar doesn’t expect that. We are accustomed to Israel being treated like the least popular girl at the dance, and wouldn’t particularly mind it, but do we have to watch Hamas getting its rocks off at the same time?
About the Author
The Tel Aviv-born, Milwaukee-bred Jewdar has a bachelors' from the University of Wisconsin, a Masters from NYU, and an Honorable Discharge from the US Army, where he spent two years as an infantryman in the 101st Airborne Division. He's the co-author of "The Big Book of Jewish Conspiracies", the Humor Editor of Heeb Magazine, and a watcher of TV. Smarter than most funny people, funnier than most smart people, he lives on the Lower East Side with his wife and two sons.
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11 comments
josef.loeffler
Jan 5, 2009
it sure is a good thing they had those elections. Who says democracy can’t thrive outside of Israel in the middle east?
jed_oelbaum
Jan 5, 2009
Oh yeah, because Israel’s policies aren’t dependant on collective punishment and the terror that goes with the civilian Palestinian death toll. Maybe these things aren’t mentioned on Israel’s behalf because they’re supposed to be a modern democratic count
mrnhghts
Jan 5, 2009
Jed, sometimes in war, bad things have to happen. A democracy has a right to defend herself. This is not a blank check, but a call for realism.
jed_oelbaum
Jan 5, 2009
I agree with you Heights, but the constant argument over media bias, along with the race to victimhood on both sides, leaves me tired and distrustful of the zealots that defend one faction or the other’s inexcusable (and so far unproductive) behavior. It’
mrnhghts
Jan 5, 2009
The constant jostling for underdog status is annoying as fuck. No doubt. But we have to look past tone, and evaluate the specifics of the complaints.
So since we’re speaking of grandparents, let’s take a look at what the wise old Zeideh of the Jewish pub
mrnhghts
Jan 5, 2009
By the way, apologies to Dreidel Hustler for using a genuine Yiddish word instead of one he made up.
jewdar
Jan 6, 2009
The New York Post? Ouch Jed, now that hurts. For what it’s worth, I subscribe to and read the NYTimes (which is why I knew what they wrote), I supported the withdrawal from Gaza, I support the establishment of a Palestinian state in most of the West Ban
jpeditor
Jan 7, 2009
Jed: “they’re supposed to be a modern democratic country that should be held to a higher standard…”
You mean the impossible standard that leftists and jihadists demand so that they acheive their common goal of destroying the Judeo-Christian “imperial
venn99
Apr 12, 2010
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Gary Carp
Aug 27, 2010
Hamasturbation is the practice of well-packed pubescents who like to blow themselves
jewdar
Aug 28, 2010
I like, Gary, but please tell me you haven’t been working on this for nearly two years.