Urban Kvetch: The Death of Adverbs
The Death of Adverbs
No, I won't "play fair." I refuse to "get home safe." Hogtie me Gitmo-style and I still won't "think different." Rage, I say, rage against the dying of the adverb! This stately part of spe...
Urban Kvetch: My Ex-Girlfriend
My Ex-Girlfriend
We broke up amicably. You aren't seeing anybody and neither am I. And you wouldn't be giving up anything that you haven't already. We have done this before since our breakup, so what's the big...
Urban Kvetch: Hospital Roomates
Hospital Roommates
So, you've got some horrible illness that lands you in the hospital and puts you in a perpetual state of discomfort. What a great time to get to meet "Arnie," your new roommate. Who was the ...
Urban Kvetch: Two Dimes and a Nickel
Two Dimes and a Nickel
The ice cream comes out to $4.50. I give you a five and you give me a quarter, two dimes and a nickel. Are you rationing for some pinball war I should know about? You've got plenty of qu...
Urban Kvetch: Our Founding Fathers
Our Founding Fathers
Just because they dressed like dorks it doesn't mean they would've been Republican assholes like you if they were around today. You think because Jefferson believed in "life, liberty and t...
Urban Kvetch: Cabining
Cabining
Cabining is like camping, but in little cabins. You separate from nature with paper-thin walls, have somewhere to run to when the animals get aggressive and look like a hero for working the fire pit. ...
Urban Kvetch: The WGA
The WGA
I come from Russian-Jewish stock. I practically have socialism running in my veins. But when, in the wake of a nasty strike, the WGA leadership makes public the names of those who have opted out of t...
Urban Kvetch: The Star’s Producing Partner
The Star's Producing Partner
You grew up with him. Or went to acting class with her. Or were the first dude he met the day before finally getting cast on the show that Changed His Life. But because your name i...
Urban Kvetch: Bad Nuts
Bad Nuts
Once in a while, even when munchin' on, say, a bag of high-end Bazzini cashews, you'll come across a nut that tastes a li'l fruitier than the others. Disgusting. So, who in their right mind would have...
Urban Kvetch: My Yoga Instructor
My Yoga Instructor
With your dark hair pulled back, smoldering eyes, scrupulous Ashtanga technique and mild scent of patchouli, you, sir, are a walking cliche(from the '90s no less), yet when you told me aft...
Urban Kvetch: Catholic School Girls
Catholic School Girls
Who was the genius who thought up dressing Catholic school girls as Catholic school girls? Like the Gap is just too revealing for your precious daughter—instead, dress her up in a seeth...
Urban Kvetch: Stamps
Stamps
Am I seriously standing here on line while you contemplate whether to go with a book of Liberty Bells, American Scientists or Beautiful Blooms? It's a postage stamp, not the name of your next child. I...
