_Heeb_ Presents:
Fire Up the VCR
Illustration by Angela Dominguez
You put in the tape and hit "Play." Bill Clinton is standing in the front yard of the White House throwing a tennis ball to his Labrador Retriever, ...
Diss Proportionate
Of all the annoying and absurd allegations aired against Israel in this era, perhaps none is so ludicrous as the charge that Israel's response is "disproportionate." Well, duh. Isn't it supposed t...
_Heeb_ Presents: Choose Your Own Adventure
The alarm clock goes off in the Lincoln Bedroom. Movers are barking at one other in the next room, a reminder that it's the morning of January 20, 2009, and your ï¬nal hours as President of the United States a...
Squarely Legal
You know how media outlets like Gawker have been reporting on Bill Murray's oddball behavior as of late? Well, some rampant Huluing of ancient television shows has uncovered a very interesting piece of Bill Mu...
Hamasturbation
"Hamasturbation" refers to the subtle stroking that Gaza's most beloved mass murderers receive from certain figures in the press and the diplomatic corps. First, there was this one, that made sure to...
_Che_: The _Heeb_ Review
by Jed Oelbaum Ernesto Guevara, doctor, Jedi freedom fighter, popular T-shirt design and the subject of Steven Soderbergh's fawning four and a half hour Che, was executed in Bolivia, already beaten down by the ...
Whistle Blowers
Obviously, the iPhone's primary use is to host a variety of pointless dollar-suck applications. If anyone pulls this out at midnight, knock it out of their hand and smash it. Happy New Year's!...
Do You Want That Toasted?
There's a new neighborhood blog in NYC that's fed up with gentrification and the mediocre eateries that always seem to follow. Its writers recently compiled an impressive (and often cruel/funny) roundup of the ...
Oprah Tushy-Shtupped
Oprah Winfrey has apparently endorsed yet anther falsified memoir. This time, it's one involving a Holocaust survivor, claiming to have met his wife through the fence of a concentration camp where she would bri...
HEEBONISM
If you're lonely this Christmas Eve and you live in NY, San Fran, Miami, Chicago, Denver or Portland, then you only have yourself to blame. Here's all the info you need: Fontana's 105 ...
Eight Films to Watch on Christmas
Most everyone remembers Scottie Schwartz in A Christmas Story and his whole tongue-stuck-to-the-frozen-telephone-pole-routine. Most everyone remembers Macauley Culkin in Home Alone uttering the proverbial punch...
By the Rivers of Blah-Bylon
Matisyahu, a sub-Weird Al novelty music act, has begun his eight-part series of Chanukkah shows here in NYC. The series is called the "Festival of Lights," and each night of the holiday, he will perfo...
