If you’re not into anime and the whole wapanese (white Japanese) scene, you’ve probably haven’t encountered a lot of fanfiction. Sexing up even the holiest of myths and icons, these trashy stories written by everyday folk feature established characters, oftentimes in sexy, forbidden situations. Yes, Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock have done it a million times in every filthy position imaginable in the dirty alternate worlds created by fanfic authors.
Today, almost every bit of popular culture has been perverted by fanfic: There’s a suicidal Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings crossover, a Twilight fan-porno, some South Park slash (“Kyle reached for the hood, tipping it back to reveal Kenny’s dirty skin . . . “), Batman and Superman pairings and a naughty Joe Biden/Obama story. And even genocide can’t stop the sweaty, kinky imaginations of fanfic authors.
Here’s a round-up of a shocking sub-genre: Holocaust fanfiction. Surviving in extra pervy corners of the web, these amateur fictions represent the neurosis of overly-precocious preteens and fantasies lonely, Holocaust-obsessed cat owning middle-aged virgins everywhere. Let’s check out a few of the more bizarre standouts:
Even as in Powerpuff form, Hitler is a bastard.
“The Second Holocaust” is a seven-chapter retelling of life in the concentration camps from the point of view of the Powerpuff Girls. The bubbly, crime-fighting little tots face off against the evil dictator “Mitler.” They find romance with male counterparts and stage a camp uprising a la the Warsaw Ghetto before half of them die. My favorite line appears when Bubbles tells a Nazi guard about the terrible treatment she faces in the camps: ” â€˜You guys give us like two pieces of bread a week’ Bubbles lifted her shirt up â€˜Look I’m all boney, you can see my ribs!’ ”
The hero of Dragonball Z sweeps Anne Frank off her feet and out of the attic.
Goku, the spiky-haired hero from Japanese cartoon Dragonball Z, stars in “Until the End of Time“. Traveling back to World War II, Goku falls in love with Anne Frank in a bizarre twist on the boy meets girl cliche. Spoiler alert: Goku ends up battling and defeating Hitler, who, as it turns out, was actually an all-powerful Super Saiyan, which explains everything.
Only in a universe both imaginary and parallel could this pair of star-crossed lovers fulfill each other’s raunchiest desires.
Finally, there’s “Jesus and Hitler: A Romance.” Removed from fanfiction.net due to its offensive and graphic nature, you have to really search the web forums for this one. Again, through the miracle of time travel, a love that should never, ever have been lives on the internet. Here’s just a taste:
While they were talking Hitler found himself checking out Jesus’ tight bod. If he wasn’t Furor of Germany… But he wasn’t Furor anymore, was he? That night when Hitler and Jesus were in bed together Hitler said “Jesus, what do you think of… love between men?” “What do you mean, Hitler?” Jesus asked. Hitler took a deep breath. He would have to be bold. “This is what I mean.” He leaned over and started frenching with the Lord. At the same time he reached down and started tugging on his already turgid member. Christ slept in the buff.