It’s not easy being the living incarnation of a Buddha. According to Kayden Nguyen, doughy action hero Steven Seagal hired her as an "executive assistant" at his Louisiana home (above, without the hair plugs) and then got handsy. Perhaps this was all innocent, and Seagal was just trying to show her some Aikido moves. It’s hard to say–Seagal has both a history of sexual harrassment allegations, and an inability to tell fact from fiction (e.g., he seemed to think his Brooklyn relatives were Italians instead of Jews). Personally, we’re hoping that he’ll defend his groping of Ms. Nguyen by claiming he was acting under the influence of his energy drink, "Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt," one flavor of which is "Asian Experience."