Get Drunk on Middle-Aged Women: The Sex and the City Cocktails

In anticipation of the next Sex and the City movie (a.k.a. The Menopausal Mishaps of Four Chicks You Wish Would Just Die Already), some marketing company desperately tries to justify its existence in a bad economy with themed cocktails. The Empire Hotel (the setting of one scene) is offering a whole batch of SATC2 drinks. Now you, too, can get wasted as fabulously as HBO’s iconic cougars.

“These cocktails are super creative and delicious and are 100% the SATC characters in beverage form! They taste just as good as they look.” Though the press release includes peppy, upbeat descriptions, it fails to give the actual recipes. So here are the liquid interpretations of Carrie & Co. along with our guesses at the ingredients:

Carrie Me: Flirty and fresh with a gingery wit and sparkly accessories. This pretty peach stands out from the rest. Two parts Skyy (or other mediocre) vodka and one part testosterone stirred up with a Manolo stiletto heel. Garnish with a thin slice of apple. Kick it back in one shot but throw up immediately after to achieve Carrie’s signature stringy, vein-y arms. Save the apple slice for dinner.

Charlotte’s Twin-Set: A surprisingly adventurous twist belies the preppy-perfect exterior. This classic bloody Mary is made with the actual blood of her ever-supportive, co-dependent schlub of a husband, Harry.

Samantha’s Oral Pleasure: Dangerously delicious, this one is absolutely adults-only. 6 ounces gin and 1 ounce dry vermouth mixed with two tablespoons of estrogen and three drops of semen (for taste). Olive optional.

Miranda’s Brooklyn Bridge: Two distinctly different worlds layered together, looks a little stormy but somehow it works perfectly. It’s just a large beer mug filled with sour mix and bitters.

For some real drinks, check out the "Horny Rabbi," "Kosher Texan," and other Heeb-office favorites.

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What do you think?