by Moshe Kasher
Sorry you fucks I’ve been busy writing my book and thus lacked the time needed to write to you, my Jews. How’s everybody been? I have missed you so.
So look, I think you should all give money to somebody. You are bloated and rich. Fat, overfed, overpaid and over pampered. Did you know that people in a lot of Africa don’t have access to water. WATER. This isn’t Dune, there is no fancy spice melange and worm creatures and shit. This is real ass earth ass people who are thirsty as fuck. If you gave like 25 bucks to some thirsty africa shit, you wouldn’t notice but it would help fund people getting a well dug in their region and they would most definitely notice.
You are a Jew so you are greedy. But you are also commanded by G-D (who is a white man in the sky sitting on a throne: think Dumbledore) to give charity. So give a little. Give like 10 bucks a month to the red cross. Or even just 10 bucks period.
Drop a twenty on HIV prevention or supporting your local free clinic.
Forego driving to the hood and picking up a street walker for one week and take the 120 dollars you might’ve spent cheating on your wife smoking crack and getting your dick sucked and give it to the make a wish foundation. Maybe that child will wish for a tiny blow job of his own and now, you just made a dream come true.
I’m officially challenging all of you to give to a charity you have never given to before. I’ll put my money where my mouth is, you guys suggest a charity for me to give to and I will. Every one of them you suggest in the comments below I will donate to unless its for some Sarah Palin-ass, kill a wolf, rape the earth type shit. Or some We Want Moshiach Now, religion type shit. I mean it. BUT if you suggest one, you must give to all the other suggestions that other people have given. On your honor. Lets do the opposite/embodiment of our Judaism and GIVE OUR MONEY AWAY!!!
Moshe Kasher is a stand up comedian and writer who has been featured on Comedy Central , NBC and E!. His album, “Everyone You Know is Going To Die, And Then You Are (Unless You Die First)” was named one of the top 20 comedy Albums of 2009 by Itunes. It can be purchased on his website, www.moshekasher.com where you can also find his tour dates. His memoir “Kasher in the Rye” will be released next year by Grand Central Publishing. You can follow him on twitter: @moshekasher