Mother’s Day is terrible pressure for a Jewish child: buy something too insignificant and you’ll never hear the end of it, but something too significant, and well, you’ll never hear the end of it. Anyway, the big day is just 11 days from now so we at Heeb decided to save you from scrambling at the last minute to order her a shitty bouquet of carnations and baby’s breath and from receiving the subsequent guilt-inducing phone call. Here are some suggestions from the Heeb staff for your Jewish Mother on Mother’s Day.
In honor of the 21st Century, teach the old lady how to recycle with these Envirosax sustainable shopping bags at ModernTribe ($38 for a set of five).
Spice up mom’s wardrobe with this classy thong ($12.99) from CafePress.
The New Age Jewish mother can never have too many crystals, tarot cards, or Buddhist ceremonial objects. If your mom falls into this category, we suggest the Tibetan Bell with Dorje ($34.95) from Sananda Spiritual Center.
For the Jewish Mother who thinks she’s cool, make her mixtape so she can reference MGMT, Kanye and the Pains of Being Pure at Heart in her Facebook status updates (insert cringe here). You can fit 1 GB of music on these awesome "USB casettes" called MIXAs from MakeaMixa.com (about $29 depending on the exchange rate). You can even customize the sleeve with whatever images you choose, or be nice and plaster it with pictures of you and her from back in the day.
Get your mom a subscription to PenPal World (Free! Hellz yeah!), because if you don’t love her enough to write, maybe some dude from the former Yugoslavia will.
You can also score a carton of Vantage Ultra Light 100s ($30.20), on sale at Cigarettes Below Cost.
What woman doesn’t like jewelry? Indulge a shameless plug for the jewelry line designed by mom of Heeb‘s Yasha Wallin, and get your mom a Star of Rachel pendent ($38) at Cultural Images.
A 5-pack of Action Wipes ($3.49) compliments the aforementioned thong nicely, especially when it comes to post-coitus cleanup.
Get your mom some cool hand made knit jewelery. Locations available at www.renatamann.com
Or, do what we do and get her a subscription to Heeb. She’ll be so excited that you read a Jewish magazine that she won’t even bother to open it and be offended by the treyf we’re serving up.
And of course we can’t forget The Dreidel Hustler Doll ($10), inspired by deebag Heeb staffer Brian Abrams, and made by the charming string doll mavens at Kamibashi.
carton of cigs+pack of “personal” wipes+sleazy thong+dreidel hustler doll = everything mom could ever want
that’s for the “cougar” mom.
I got my mother a PS3, so it will give me an actual reason to visit home every once in a while…and that’s what every mother really wants…awwwwwww.
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