Roastmaster General Jeff Ross’s Best Zingers from His Friars Club “Book Warming”

Last night, I ventured into the mysterious world of the Friars Club–a place full of secret handshakes, strong cocktails and half-dead comedians. The occasion was a “book warming” honoring Rostmaster General Jeffrey Ross (originally named Jeffrey Ross Lifschultz) and his upcoming book, I Only Roast the Ones I Love (Simon Spotlight Entertainment), which will be on shelves September 15.

In attendance were comedy legends Freddie Roman, Susie Essman and Pat Cooper, writer Jerry Stahl, actor Abe Vigoda and even Counting Crows front-Jouchebag, Adam Duritz. Naturally, Ross himself made an appearance to take some jabs at his friends, family and fans. Here were some of his best lines of the night:

…on the book This book is good for the environment–the jokes are 100 percent recycled. My book was just named Oprah’s official selection–she read roasted and thought it was a cookbook. She wrote me a letter: ‘Dear Jeff, not only was this book hilarious, it was delicious.’ I always wanted to write a book. This is super exciting for me. I’ve already sold 30,000 books–back when I was a cashier at Barnes & Noble.

…on his mentor, Milton Berle, vs. actor Abe Vigoda Uncle Miltie is gone, but not forgotten. However, Abe Vigoda is forgotten, but not gone.

…on Freddie Roman’s son, Barry I love the suit. Did you get that at Forever 41?

…on meeting Buddy Hackett for the first time He shook my hand and said: ‘Do you know who hates farts the most? Midgets.’

…on Jerry Stahl’s story about the time Ross said, ‘If you ever forget you’re a Jew, a gentile will remind you.’ People know I’m Jewish. I don’t understand, I’m not that religious. I go to temple like twice a year… Christmas and Easter.

What do you think?