Is Beastiality the New Black?

As per last week’s posting on Amazon reviewer Ari Brouillette, witty internet commentary is, in my (small and humble) opinion, the written word’s most exciting unmined art form. That said, I’ve recently taken it upon myself to look beyond the bloggers (myself included) and actively seek out the hidden, unsung Bards among us–ie: people with a lot of extra time on their hands.

Enter a recent New York Magazine article about The Cove, a documentary exposing the horrific systematic slaughter of dolphins in Taiji, Japan, which premiered at the Sundance Film Festival a few days ago. While the film calls attention to a truely awful and inhumane practice, I was admittedly more capitivated by the absurdist commentary posted below, especially that from FINLOVER71. Here’s an excerpt:

"As for me, if anybody who reads this [posting] is interested in publishing Wet Goddess, my novel about my 1970’s love affair with a dolphin, you can read a chapter on Angelfire under my name, below. I think if I could get it published in Japan, where people aren’t so hung up about zoophilia as they are in this country, it could have a profound effect and make some lucky publisher a hell of a lot of money too."

I’m pretty sure that the entire world in agreeance regarding the un-cool factor of zoophilia. Regardless, FINLOVER71 is either an amazing genius or completely unhinged.

What do you think?

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19 Responses

  1. Finlover71

    Absurdist commentary? Let me assure you, nothing could be further from the truth. What is absurd about trying to prevent marine mammal genocide, whatever the means one uses?

    As for “the un-cool factor of zoophilia,” you really need to go back to Anth

    Reply
  2. mossad

    I learned everything I needed to know about being cool in Anthropology 101.

    It seems like he’s just unhinged.

    Reply
  3. jed_oelbaum

    @Finlover: Wow the completely unhinged amazing genius herself showed up. I think the argument that “they used to do it, before all this modern society and whatnot came about and ruined the fun,” is also frequently used by pedophiles and other freaks to j

    Reply
  4. Puck

    Surely, Finlover, you’re taking the piss? For a start, it’s hardly mammal “genocide”…erm…the guy with the Dolphin looks really hot…so dome some of the Heeb Shop models for that matter…where was I….oh yes, you sucking.
    There was no ‘love affair

    Reply
  5. iconic

    Finlover, in your excerpt Elaine says ” I don’t know how I’d explain it to my dad if I got bitten by a dolphin. He’d probably say I must’ve bitten it first.”
    kinda like how I feel about your dolphin-initiated sex.

    Reply
  6. Puck

    “that could kill him five or six different ways without a second thought”
    Clearly this is the little known breed of “Ninja Dolphin” that I keep hearing about, here in Australia barely a day goes by when we don’t hear about yet another busload of nuns and

    Reply
  7. Finlover71

    Sorry about the fires and all too, mate, BTW did you know I’m also a Satan-worshipping, AK-47 toting, LSD-ingesting, Earth Shoes wearing pyromaniac?

    Do the physics, Puck: the dolphin weighed 180 kilos, I weighed 68 at the time. She could swim at 32 km

    Reply
  8. Puck

    Do the psychology…Dolphins are animals…they mate because it’s their instinct to do so, this delusion you had that some animal you raped actually enjoyed it…well…that’s the delusion of rapists all over, isn’t it? She was asking for it?

    Reply

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