Critical Mass

Their numbers are dwindling, they have dueling seminaries, and their rabbinic leadership is divided, but none of this is keeping the Conservative movement’s powers-that-be from taking the kind of decisive action that reminds us why the denomination appears to many as an increasingly irrelevent relic. Confronted with a variety of internal and external ills, the international assembly of Conservative rabbis chose instead to tackle the Catholic Church’s decision to return to a more old school version of the Good Friday Latin Mass.

And what exactly is it that is so horrifying about this revision? Apparently, the Mass, which will only be heard one day a year by that minority of Catholics who still use the Tridentine Mass, and understood by that minority of a minority who know Latin, contains a prayer that Jews–and others, like Protestant and Orthodox Christians–see the light and seek salvation in the Church. It doesn’t criticize Jews, it doesn’t single them out, it doesn’t call for efforts to convert them–it simply expresses the traditional Catholic view that only the Church offers a path to salvation, which, we have to admit, seems like a perfectly reasonable position for the Church to take.

We recommend that our esteemed leaders focus their attentions on dealing with problems the Jews have, let the Catholics take care of their own issues, and let’s all be thankful that, after centuries of the Church preying on us, it’s now praying for us.

What do you think?

About The Author


The Tel Aviv-born, Milwaukee-bred Jewdar has a bachelors' from the University of Wisconsin, a Masters from NYU, and an Honorable Discharge from the US Army, where he spent two years as an infantryman in the 101st Airborne Division. He's the co-author of "The Big Book of Jewish Conspiracies", the Humor Editor of Heeb Magazine, and a watcher of TV. Smarter than most funny people, funnier than most smart people, he lives on the Lower East Side with his wife and two sons.

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