Close Your Eyes And Think Of…

For those not in the know, before her wedding night, young Queen Victoria was allegedly given the instructions to “close your eyes and think of England.” Lesson? Sometimes, you just have to accept the inevitable.

It’s a lesson that Israel’s leaders should pay attention to. In the lead-up to this week’s dog and pony show at the UN, they should have been accepting that its passage was inevitable, and rather than pretending it wasn’t going to happen, or insisting it was irrelevant, they should have been working to make the most out of it. Of course it’s not too late, so Jewdar, as always, has some useful tips.

1. Take the High Road: When the new Palestinian state is to be Judenrein, the Israeli gov’t should have been–and now should be–making a giant point that voting for the Palestinian State will mean voting for a state that bans Jews (by the same token, Israel should have attended Durban, and taken the opportunity to discuss the various Arab states where Jews are banned). The bill still would pass, no doubt, but at least Israel would have some long-lasting points scored. And once the bill’s passage becomes inevitable, Israel should:

2. Vote for it: Kudos to Jewdar’s friend Yehuda for suggesting this; what a brilliant counterintuitive move that would be. Israel would be able to present itself as a defender of Palestinian liberty (they could still argue, however, that before the Security Council votes, they need some guarantees, including the right of Jews to live in the new state, which would still allow the US to veto).  More importantly, however, it would confuse the hell out of the Arab League and its fellow travelers. Once Israel voted “Yes,” all those country’s delegates would be scrambling to find out how they should vote.  Who knows, Israel’s “yes” vote alone might be enough to kill the proposal. And since countries vote by alphabetical order, we’d be treated to the words “The Iranian Delegate would like to change his vote to “no.”


In the worst case scenario, Israel should take a page from the entertainment world. As last night’s Emmy Awards showed everyone, injustices occur (Modern Family, Best Comedy Series? It’s not even the Best Comedy Series on ABC on Wednesday). Israel should remember that even though they can’t control the outcome of the vote, they can still look great on the red carpet, damn their rivals with faint praise, and throw a hell of an afterparty.

What do you think?

About The Author


The Tel Aviv-born, Milwaukee-bred Jewdar has a bachelors' from the University of Wisconsin, a Masters from NYU, and an Honorable Discharge from the US Army, where he spent two years as an infantryman in the 101st Airborne Division. He's the co-author of "The Big Book of Jewish Conspiracies", the Humor Editor of Heeb Magazine, and a watcher of TV. Smarter than most funny people, funnier than most smart people, he lives on the Lower East Side with his wife and two sons.

2 Responses

  1. Avi B

    Anti war has an article up about how the whole ‘Judenrein’ comment was not true. But nice try anyway, keep pretending its the Israelis are the victims and who need protection.

  2. jewdar

    Actually, Avi, Antiwar’s article neglected to mention that Areikat was actually explicit about the PA intentions last year:

    “I’m not saying to transfer every Jew, I’m saying transfer Jews who, after an agreement with Israel, fall under the jurisdiction of a Palestinian state,” he said then. “I think this is a very necessary step, before we can allow the two states to somehow develop their separate national identities, and then maybe open up the doors for all kinds of cultural, social, political, economic exchanges, that freedom of movement of both citizens of Israelis and Palestinians from one area to another. You know you have to think of the day after.”

    Asked after the Tuesday breakfast to clarify if he was truly calling for a Jew-free state, Areikat said that perhaps one day in the future things will be different.

    “Listen, again, we have nothing against Jews. This is a political conflict,” he explained. “Once the political issues our resolved, every Palestinian should be welcomed in Israel. Every Israeli should be welcomed in Palestine. But under the current circumstances — an occupation power occupying a people against their will — this is something we are trying to end.”


    To reiterate, “transfer” (which wither used here or by Israelis, means “expel”) Jews who fall under Palestinian Authority. Sounds pretty Judenrein to me. But nice try anyway.


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