_Heeb_ Presents:
Fire Up the VCR
Illustration by Angela Dominguez
You put in the tape and hit "Play." Bill Clinton is standing in the front yard of the White House throwing a tennis ball to his Labrador Retriever, ...
_Heeb_ Presents:
Stand Up to Cheney
Cheney's crooked, maniacal grin shifts ever so slightly into a crooked, maniacal scowl.
"Uh-oh," he says. "Looks like I'm about to have another unfortunate hunting accident."
Ill...
_Heeb_ Presents:
You Push the Button
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You take a deep breath and push the button, your hand shaking more than you thought it would.
"What the—?" you mutter as the White House garage door opens.
"Gotcha!" Rumsfeld r...
_Heeb_ Presents:
Hit the Snooze Button
Â
Bzzt! That damn snooze button is going off again. Â
Do you:
Hit snooze once more.
OR
Start your day....
_Heeb_ Presents:
Computer Golf in the Study
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Gosh darn, your study has been entirely packed up by the moving company, including your computer. Stacks of boxes ï¬ll the room. You open one of them. Aw, here's the flight ...
_Heeb_ Presents:
Go to Prayer
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You ï¬nd a quiet corner in your bedroom, kneel down and prostrate yourself to the Lord. It was He who told you to give up a life of alcohol, drugs and pleasure-seeking. It was He who told ...
_Heeb_ Presents:
Do the Lord's Bidding
The Secret Service drives you to Ginsburg's house and hands you a set of keys. You get out of the car, take a deep breath and walk towards the front door. Your hands sweat. Your heart b...
_Heeb_ Presents:
Look in the Closet
Â
You walk in the closet and much to your surprise you ï¬nd
yourself face-to-face with Vice President Cheney.
Â
"Vice President Cheney, what are you doing here?"
A startled Che...
_Heeb_ Presents: Choose Your Own Adventure
The alarm clock goes off in the Lincoln Bedroom. Movers are barking at one other in the next room, a reminder that it's the morning of January 20, 2009, and your ï¬nal hours as President of the United States a...
_Heeb_ Presents:
Start Your Day
You skim through your morning Intelligence Brieï¬ng: Satellite images show a Russian troop build-up in Western Georgia; a fast-moving wildï¬re about 30 miles east of San Diego is spreading; ...
Heebonics
Tushy-Shtup, noun, verb (from the yiddish "tuchis" and "shtup")
1. Anal intercourse.Â
2. To screw someone over.
Al Gore produced a $100 million documentary and won an Oscar as well as the Nobel Prize, ...
Breakdowns: Interview With Art Spiegelman
By Brian Heater
"What is art to you?" I'm silent for a moment. Not because I'm thinking hard about the question—at least not at first—but rather, because my first inclination upon being asked is an attempt t...
