18 · The Politics Issue

Don't Pardon Abramoff No matter how tempting the proposition is, you tell Abramoff that you're going to have to pass on the library. Abramoff looks a bit more frail than usual, so you invite him to join you ...

You Look in the Closet You open the closet door and much to your surprise you find yourself face-to-face with Vice President Cheney. "Vice President Cheney, what are you doing here?" A startled Cheney...

Obey "God," Kill Ginsberg You inch closer to Ginsburg with the pillow. She's sleeping like a baby. Just as you're about cover her face, she's awakened by a commercial for Carnival Cruise. Her eyes widen at t...

Hit the Snooze Button  Bzzt! That damn snooze button is going off again.  Do you: Hit snooze once more. OR Start your day....

Computer Golf in the Study  Gosh darn, your study has been entirely packed up by the moving company, including your computer. Stacks of boxes fill the room. You open one of them. Aw, here's the flight ...

Go to Prayer  You find a quiet corner in your bedroom, kneel down and prostrate yourself to the Lord. It was He who told you to give up a life of alcohol, drugs and pleasure-seeking. It was He who told ...

Do the Lord's Bidding The Secret Service drives you to Ginsburg's house and hands you a set of keys. You get out of the car, take a deep breath and walk towards the front door. Your hands sweat. Your heart b...

Look in the Closet  You walk in the closet and much to your surprise you find yourself face-to-face with Vice President Cheney.  "Vice President Cheney, what are you doing here?" A startled Che...

The alarm clock goes off in the Lincoln Bedroom. Movers are barking at one other in the next room, a reminder that it's the morning of January 20, 2009, and your final hours as President of the United States a...

Start Your Day You skim through your morning Intelligence Briefing: Satellite images show a Russian troop build-up in Western Georgia; a fast-moving wildfire about 30 miles east of San Diego is spreading; ...

Tushy-Shtup, noun, verb (from the yiddish "tuchis" and "shtup") 1. Anal intercourse. 2. To screw someone over. Al Gore produced a $100 million documentary and won an Oscar as well as the Nobel Prize, ...

By Brian Heater "What is art to you?" I'm silent for a moment. Not because I'm thinking hard about the question—at least not at first—but rather, because my first inclination upon being asked is an attempt t...