Author Heeb

Amanda Hesser This prissy little New York Times food writer has somehow become my mother's fantasy of the perfect Jewish daughter, and for this, she must be eliminated. In her columns about souffles and salads...

Sanitized Toilet Rings I don't feel safe anymore! I feel vulnerable to attack! I yearn for a simpler time, a time when public toilet seats were sanitized for my protection. Growing up, my world was wrapped in ...

Lifegem From the creepily named "living memorial" industry, a Lifegem is a diamond created from the carbon ashes of your cremated loved one, available in assorted colors. I can hear it already—women crowing fr...

Ready-Made Here's a fun remodeling project: 1. Take Ready-Made magazine, the young nesters' guide to alterna-crafts. 2. Now retool the name for a rag that's entirely about creating things that aren't already m...

You Don't Have to be Jewish ...to get heartburn from this record. Considering that Jackie Mason is currently on Broadway with his seventh one-man show, there's no reason why this comedy relic from the last mil...

Rabbis in Kilts What fun-loving Orthodox rabbi doesn't want to frolic around in a skirt every once in a while? You've got to give it up for these free-balling, wild and crazy Scotsmen. Malted whiskey, bagpipes...

Impressions Under Water by Leni Riefenstahl Hitler's little media darling will soon release a 45-minute documentary about life in the Indian Ocean, with footage taken from over two thousand dives. Riefenstahl'...

France Tourism down in the land of waifs and dog shit? Ah, gay Paris ...

Cleveland Cleveland deftly illustrates how a city can funnel millions of dollars into subsidizing fancy new sports arenas (at the expense of little things like, oh, city schools and public housing), but when a...

The Jewish Roll The Japanese cats over at Crazy Fish restaurant in Los Angeles are just calling it what it is. No need to gloss things over by calling it a "Philadelphia Roll" or a "Brooklyn Roll" like other r...