Who Wants to Be Mr. Mitzvah?

The greatest television show in broadcast history was not The Sopranos, but rather it is Who Wants To Be A Superhero? The ultra-campy Sci-Fi Channel original series which begins airing Season 2 on July 26 makes John Waters look straight-faced. Who can resist the unbridled hilarity behind grown men and women well into their 20s and 30s pretending living as real-life super powered heroes? With every episode watched last summer, I comparatively felt 13% cooler. By the end of Season 1, I was like an Upper West Side James Dean, albeit with seasonal allergies.

Last week, the Sci-Fi Channel debuted the cast of characters for Season 2 online and one of the personalities listed is Mr. Mitzvah. Mitzvah, whose real name—excuse me, whose secret identity is Ivan Wilzig, a 51-year old (?!?) recording artists and philanthropist carries a Star of David ping pong paddle that his father gave him on the day of his Bar Mitzvah. The blinged-out paddle complete with shiny sparkles isn’t just any paddle, mind you: It’s the very same one that was originally given to David after he defeated Goliath. Apparently, Wilzig’s father made this story up to save from spending money on the ball, table and second paddle.

Alas, Mitzvah’s profile is a tad too stereotypical for my taste. Here was the hero’s opportunity to break free from the Seinfeldian perception of Jews worldwide. Nevertheless, Mitzvah lists “oy vey” and “mazel tov” as his catch phrases and non-kosher foods, such as pork, lobster and shrimp, as his vulnerabilities. Why not go even further and include “saving money” as a primary objective? Why wasn’t his weapon a mohel’s knife sharp enough to cut even the most villainous foreskin? Or perhaps one of his powers should have been the ability to feed matzoh to his enemies therein constipating them for weeks?

By all this, I’m simply suggesting that super heroes have always either been in the closet about being Jewish (the Thing) or way too obvious about their affiliation (Sabra)? Isn’t there a medium here somewhere? Or am I asking for too much? Maybe I just need to start small by asking that our hero representatives carry something a tad more threatening than a glittering ping pong paddle.

I did hear that badminton rackets really hurt.

What do you think?

About The Author


The international media conspiracy and/or the new Jew review. Take your pick.

7 Responses

  1. bigshank2

    that guy is 51? really? because he doesn’t look a day more than crazy if you ask me.

  2. Sara.Pamela

    All the show needs is a Mrs. Mitzvah whose always flemmy from too much cream cheese at Zabar’s…a super hero whose not afraid to dole a potch ‘n tushie to kids ditching Hebrew school.

  3. iconic

    SCIFI.com says that Mr. Mitzvah uses the paddle “in his sacred mission to save the lives of children everywhere.” Kids now have their very own super hero. This is a mitzvah.

  4. Anonymous

    Long before that nighttime soap brought him international tag heuer fame, Forsythe worked steadily in both film and TV, earning an Emmy nod back in 1953. Forsythe also tag heuer contended at the ta

  5. Anonymous

    But he’s dug himself a partisan hole with this big bill, and it’ll be interesting to breitling watches see him try to dig his way out. On the one hand, an Academy Award is nothing to sneeze at. Bullock has


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This will close in 0 seconds