Good news, Jews of the world – The specter of anti-semitism has finally passed and we can take our place as citizens of the Earth, free from the anxiety of persecution and intolerance. Congratulations, everyone!
How do I know? Because, according to Leiden University’s Professor Marc van Oostendorp, “Jew”, or rather the Dutch word “Jood“, is the new slang for “cool” in high schools across the Netherlands.
Now, in fairness, it doesn’t look like this linguistic revolution has made it past the boarders into the rest of Europe. But, it’s pretty clear that the Dutch, known for being forward-looking tastemakers (When it comes to smoking grass and riding bikes, Amsterdam leaves San Francisco in the dust) are simply early adopters of what’s sure to be a world-wide phenomenon. Hell, this whole “Jew = Cool” thing is the second time they’ve made a positive expression out of Jewish source material. Turns out “tuf” – an iteration of the yiddish word for “good” – is already in heavy rotation in the Dutch lexicon (Tablet’s Adam Chandler makes the joke I wish I’d come up with, saying “a Double Dutch is better than Single Dutch“.)
It doesn’t look like Professor Oostendorp has an explanation for how, or perhaps more importantly why “jood” became so cool. But, like the high school nerd who inexplicably is invited to sit at the cool kid’s table in the lunchroom, we’re not gonna push our luck. Jew is cool now – who cares why? To show our appreciation to the Netherlands for finally, conclusively washing away the last remnants of European anti-semitism, let’s repay the linguistic favor by bestowing the Dutch our highest honor: We’ll name a sandwich after them at the Carnegie Deli.