Last year, I posed for Heeb Magazine’s Shtetl Bunny Series. A couple of month’s ago, a casting director friend texted me and asked, “Do you ever google yourself?” I told him it had been a long time. “Oh,” he responded, “Did you know you’re on a big nose appreciation site ?”
Um, no. I didn’t.
As it turns out, way back in January of this year, pictures of me has been posted to Big Nose Appreciation Discussion Forum. The post had no description, only pictures. And not just pictures from the Heeb shoot, but some of my professional acting headshots as well. Which means, I realized, whoever put up that post visited both Heeb and my personal website to obtain the pictures. Upon making this discovery, I had a number of reactions, in the following order:
- Wait, this exists? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. After all, EVERYTHING exists. Probably always has, but with the advent of the internet we now have instant access to every fetish under the sun. I guess what surprises isn’t the fetish, so much as the forum supporting the fetish.
- Who is this person making these posts, and more importantly, how did he (she?) find me? I looked at his other posts (for research purposes, of course) and I have no connection to any of the other women on this site. Most of the women posted about are models or known actresses. It’s not like I have a stunning IMDB or Model Mayhem page. Do I exist elsewhere in the Googleverse as “Large Nosed Redhead”?
- Is my nose really THAT big? While looking at the Heeb photos, I was initially concerned about my nose size. A friend reassured me, “No one is looking at your nose. Trust me.” And I did. I trusted him. Well friend, you were wrong. Apparently for some, a pair of breasts doesn’t carry the same weight as a pair of nostrils.
- Hold on, because this might just be a win for Jewish American Princesses everywhere. Women have complained for years about the rigid standards of beauty peddled by advertisers and Hollywood. But look how far we’ve come! If lil-old me, a Ginjew from Ohio, can be appreciated by strangers for her larger-than-average schnoz, girls everywhere can be appreciated for their below or above average attributes. Hell, me and Lea Michele are practically nasal pioneers! (As it turns out, the person who posted about me also posted about her. In fact, she was his second post ever.)
- It turns out that if you click on my picture, you can download it directly onto your desktop. Does this mean that people are downloading these pictures? And if so, is there a way for me to benefit financially (or otherwise) from these downloads that I’m not sanctioning?
- Finding myself on this site raises a lot of questions. Who is looking at me? Who is downloading these pictures? Why are there no men on the site? (Adrien Brody, anyone?) But one question stands above all the others: Why doesn’t the post about me have more views?? And why hasn’t anybody commented in that way internet trollers do, and be all like, “Yeah, she’s hot!” I mean come on, it’s not enough for one weirdo to find my nose hot, I need the praise of many nose fetish weirdos to feel good about myself!
Well. At the end of the day, any press is good press, right?