State Sponsored Cyber-Terrorism’s Latest Victim: Heeb Magazine (Maybe)

Heeb is no stranger to ruffling the occasional feather. It comes with the territory. Naturally, we don’t worry too much at the occasional disparaging comment or Mario Lopez segment on extra, but even we were surprised to see the following splashed across our inboxes the other day.

Cyber-attack

Here’s a close up:

Close up

Not to guess at the motivations behind state sponsored cyber-terrorists, but since we find ourselves smack in their crosshairs let’s put our investigative brains to work – Who could we have pissed off so much that they’d go all stuxnet on our asses? A few theories:

FRANCE: Maybe it was the time we reminded people that one of their national war heroes was a raving anti-Semite? Or, maybe it was when we said the whole country was full of “waifs and dog shit“? Either way, the benefit of being cyber-attacked by France is that the moment we tag their emails as “junk”, their entire cyber-infrastructure surrenders.

  • LIKELIHOOD OF CYBER ATTACK: 3/10
GERMANY: Ahh Germany… We’ve mocked, maligned, and even dedicated an entire issue to Deutschland. Thanks to our embedded correspondent, we’ve been treated to a yids-eye-view of life in present-day Germany. Sure, it’s been fun, but nothing cyber-attack-worthy: Just our “quid” to their “quo”. Call it “reparations” for … you know … everything.
  • LIKELIHOOD OF CYBER ATTACK: 5.5/10
SAUDI ARABIA: With its history of online-warfare, Saudi Arabia seems like a natural choice for aiming its sights at your preferred online source of Jewish culture. After all, Jewdar did once say the Governments comprising the Arab league are “about as close to the ‘Legion of Doom’ as an organization can get.” Still, we’d like to think that even the royal house of Saud can appreciate our snappy, insightful prose.
  • LIKELIHOOD OF CYBER ATTACK: 7/10
ISRAEL: Notoriously prickly when it comes to criticism, and with an online-security apparatus that has more or less defined the state of the art, Israel has the capacity to dish out some significant cyber-hurt. Let’s face it – this cover, featuring a mushroom cloud over Jerusalem, probably didn’t go over so well with the Israeli security establishment. Our guess – if you’ve ever said anything bad about Israel on the internet you will, eventually, be cyber-attacked.
  • LIKELIHOOD OF CYBER ATTACK: 9.5/10

Now, if you’ll excuse us – we have some emails to delete.

What do you think?

About The Author

Heeb

The international media conspiracy and/or the new Jew review. Take your pick.

One Response

  1. The Magnethead

    Nice analysis, but you missed the prime suspect(s): Nevada, with technical assistance from Macao.

    Reply

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