Signed, Epstein’s Attorney

Professional rich Jew Jeffrey Epstein, currently negotiating with Florida authorities overunpleasant allegations that’s he’s been having sex with minors, was apparently contemplating a timely aliya on a recent trip, but ultimately came to the conclusion that it wasn’t it to be, responding to one questioner "Would you want to live in Israel?"

Normally, of course, we frown upon anything that might discourage willing heebs from heading to the hereditary homeland, but in Epstein’s case, we’re willing to make an exception.

What do you think?

About The Author


The Tel Aviv-born, Milwaukee-bred Jewdar has a bachelors' from the University of Wisconsin, a Masters from NYU, and an Honorable Discharge from the US Army, where he spent two years as an infantryman in the 101st Airborne Division. He's the co-author of "The Big Book of Jewish Conspiracies", the Humor Editor of Heeb Magazine, and a watcher of TV. Smarter than most funny people, funnier than most smart people, he lives on the Lower East Side with his wife and two sons.

4 Responses

  1. Hesed

    Whats the point of becoming filthy rich if you cant fuck minors?

  2. Puck

    Would you want to live in Israel?
    Maybe not, but then I wouldn’t wanna shag a 12 year old either.


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