Masturbator Shoots at Orthodox Patrolmen

Shomrim LogoOnly in New York, folks. Last night in Borough Park, Brooklyn, four members of Orthodox patrol organization Shomrim were shot after trying to subdue a local pervert. David Flores, known for publicly masturbating near playgrounds, was stuck in traffic when the heroes approached. He fled from his car and pulled out a pistol, which one member apparently mistook for a BB gun, and started firing like mad, hitting the Jewish protectors and himself. Thankfully, there were no fatalities in the incident, with the worst hit member currently in stable condition. Flores is facing charges of attempted murder and public lewdness. Lesson: No public whacking off in Brooklyn or the Jews will get your ass.

(via Gothamist)

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Jonathan Poritsky

Jonathan Poritsky lives in Austin and misses a good bagel. You can read more of his work at the candler blog.

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