Finally! An Upbeat Anthem For Jewish Christmastime Depression

Let’s cut the crap – Being a Jew at Christmastime blows.

Sure, we put on a brave face and revel in our “tradition” of Chinese food and movies, but deep down we know that General Tso is a poor substitute for the holly-jolly merriment we see all around us – merriment we can taste, and smell and enjoy, but never truly own. Like Dickensian orphans with faces pressed against the widow, we’re forced to watch, helpless, while stockings are stuffed, and eggs are nogged. Yet we persist in carrying on with a facade of passive-agressive non-jealousy – even celebration! – and in doing so risk looking like an oblivious dolts.

Where’s the harm in saying Christmas looks awesome? Would it kill us to admit that being left out sucks?

Enter Heeb’s favorite German funny man Oliver Polak, who’s not afraid to tell the world what we’re all thinking: That being a Jew at Christmastime makes him – makes all of us – “sad.”

So, riffing on Pharrell Williams’ “Happy“, Oliver and a cadre of Deutsche-hipsters (including our own Fabian Wolff) boogie their way across Berlin to Polak’s heartfelt lamentations. Everything save the chorus is in German, but here’s a sample lyric:

You’re at home, having a jolly good time
I’m in bed and vomiting
You have presents and a pretty tree
My cum tastes like mousse cause it’s Christmas.

Okay, so it’s not exactly Chaucer, but still…

Now, regardless of how you feel about the less-than-family-friendly lyrical content (assuming you understood it in the first place), you have to admit that it’s pretty wonderful to see a group of good looking yids bemoaning their Christmastime lot in life in Germany, of all places. Leave it to our yekke brethren to call bullshit when they see it, while we’re here stuffing our faces with wontons and watching that same SNL video for the eighth year in a row.

So, good on you Oliver. And cheer up – there’s still months to go before Easter.

What do you think?

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Zayin B'Ayin

Heeb's foremost authority

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