By the time you read this someone out there will be the proud owner of a piece of Jewish history: the eye patch of sabra, superstud *Moshe Dayan*, who lost his eye—one of only two in the original set—during the invasion of Vichy Lebanon. As much as tree-planting and falafel, the eye patch was a symbol of the Jewish state, and doubtlessly well worth the original price of $75,000 asked for by Dayan’s bodyguard. Jewdar wishes the new owner well, even if we can’t exactly wish that they wear it in good health, and we continue to save our shekels and scan the eBay eye patch listings, hoping against hope to find one belonging to the other great, one-eyed hero of the Jewish people, *Sammy Davis, Jr.*
*Gold in Them There Hills:*
Jewdar is proud to confirm that *Elon Gold*, who stars with Petaphile *Pamela Anderson* in the FOX sitcom _Stacked_, is an alum (and don’t be haters, Ramaz students—his brother *Ari Gold*, the pop singing sensation, is one of yours). Jewdar wishes a hearty mazel tov to the shomer shabbos Gold for landing the gig and inspiring future generations of yeshiva boys around the country to dream that they might one day also work with a former _Playboy_ centerfold. Incidentally, according to a variety of white supremacist websites (please note: Jewdar’s definitely _not_ confirming this) the cyborgian Ms. Anderson is herself a member of the tribe, born with the _nom de Jew_ “Joan Goldstein.”
*You Loved the Book, Now See the Movie:*
Have you always wondered exactly what the real story was behind the popularity of the _Protocols of the Elders of Zion_, but didn’t feel like hanging around the Million Man March long enough to find out? Well, fret no longer. Jewdar is pleased to report that filmmaker *Marc Levin* (_Slam, Brooklyn Babylon_) has done all the work for you in his new documentary, _The Protocols of Zion_ (HBO). Levin talks to a wide variety of Jew-haters and baiters to get the real lowdown on why this book still tops the best-seller list in some Muslim countries and Montana counties. The flick got rave reviews at Sundance and you’ll be able to get a gander at it in theaters on October 21.
*Hamish n’ Andy:*
Fans of MTV’s *Andy Milonakis*’ cleverly conceived if unimaginatively named _The Andy Milonakis Show_ may be wondering why one of Andy’s “friends” is wearing a yarmulke. The reason, Jewdar is pleased to report, is that all of the old Jews depicted in the show are, in fact, old Jews. The “actors” were recruited from the streets of the Lower East Side, where the show is filmed (Milonakis’ apartment in the show is actually in the same building as the doctor’s office from _Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind_). While some might find the use of the elderly residents by Milonakis (America’s foremost and perhaps only Greek-American comic) to be exploitative, Jewdar’s sources confirm that the old Jews were well-paid, satisfied and that none were harmed during filming.
Much as we at Heeb are justifiably proud of our product and happy for all you readers who abso-smurf-ly adore the mag, it is nice to receive praise from…you know…people who _really_ matter. Thus, Jewdar is delighted to report that, according to our impeccable sources, at a June shindig in Manhattan, *Zach Braff*, _Scrubs’_ Semitic sweetiepie, succinctly stated “_Heeb_ is my favorite magazine to read on the shitter.” (Remember: Jewdar isn’t celebrating the potty-talk lifestyle, we’re just rapping about the world around us.) While we commend Zach on his literary tastes, we implore him to seek immediate medical attention—considering _Heeb_’s publication schedule, waiting that long to go the bathroom can’t be healthy.
_Got a sizzling hot tip on Jews who should be in the news? Can it wait a few months until the next issue of Heeb? Then send an e-mail to [email protected] and tell us about it._