Is Shiantology What You’ve Been Searching For?

Bored of Judaism and looking for some fresh answers to life’s big questions, but too poor for Scientology? Then Shiantology may be for you.

Shiantology was founded on Sunday, February 8, 2009 and characterized by a belief in the power of Shia LaBoeuf’s spirit to clear itself of past painful experiences (in particular, hand smashing car crashes and drunken outbursts in Walgreens) through self-knowledge, spiritual fulfillment and copious amounts of Arizona Ice Tea.

While Shiantology doesn’t account for any of the 34 legal and religious holidays that result in alternate-side of the street parking suspensions in New York City (over 40% of them are from Jewish holidays), it does contain a highly complex iconography that inspires girls to dream about getting down on their knees in front of Shia. Amen.

What do you think?