From the Inbox: “Being a French Jew”

Sometimes we get pitches so stellar, we can’t not fuck with them. In this case, one Heeb staffer maintained an email thread with a 15-year old Parisian who wanted to write about Jewish identity. Now, some might think it’s mean to string along a struggling hopeful like this, but the kid didn’t get nearly as tormented as, say, that one guy who wanted to write about latkes and quantum physics.

See the full correspondence below.

What do you think?

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About The Author


The international media conspiracy and/or the new Jew review. Take your pick.

20 Responses

  1. Gordo

    Is this supposed to be funny? You guys are a bunch of douchebags.

  2. Lara

    I CANNOT believe you didn’t ask me to do the Jewish identity/croissant piece. What the?

  3. Ilana

    Yeah, I’m going to go ahead and ‘hide’ your feed from my facebook- this is the last straw in a series of not-so-subtle hints that you have no idea what funny is. I’ll try again in a few months. Maybe.

  4. Puck

    Perhaps making fun of a child is a bit off, no? I mean really…adults are fair games, but children? Seriously?

  5. lamont haskins

    Im a man of color. A GROWN man. Make fun of me, call me the N word — but lay off of the children.

  6. Jewish Gifts Girl

    Ariel — I’m so sorry for this. Please contact me and I’ll work with you on this story. I’m on the ed board of another Jewish mag and well-connected. Heeb sucks.

  7. DocWimz

    Checking in and Checking out.
    This is the first time I looked at HEEB magazine. Seems you are abusive towards your readers and not the least bit funny. I wont be back.

  8. Sam

    I’ve checked in on a pretty regular basis, not anymore. Very uncool

  9. nathan

    not only is this mean and tasteless, but most importantly: NOT FUNNY, BORING and A COMPLETELY LAZY EXCUSE FOR COMEDY/JOURNALISM

  10. nathan

    but well done Ariel! You did a great job with the moronic things Heeb asked of you. The jokes on them, not you.

  11. Steve

    Wow! If this is for real – it isn’t funny.
    If this is made up – it isn’t funny.

  12. DK

    This piece is clearly not really mocking this precocious, obviously talented young person, but rather, the Jewish communal conversation which doesn’t progress or change.

    Obviously, Ariel will be far ahead and working on more refined and ever more complicated Jewish issues in ten years. But much of the Jewish community will not. They hit on the same two or three notes like a plastic toy trumpet from the 70s.

  13. Jewish Gifts Girl

    DK — you miss that Ariel is exploring a PERSONAL issue of his Jewishness and his identity that all of us SHOULD explore. He is 15. To mock him is cruel. I wouldn’t be surprised if this mis-treatment by the Jewish “establishment” of Heeb (and it is part of the establishment whether you like it or not) wouldn’t turn him off from ever trying to be part of the conversation again. The larger issue is this: Heeb magazine and especially the author of this baiting have no respect for introspection or earnestness as it relates to Jewishness.

  14. DK

    and it is part of the establishment whether you like it or not

    No comment on that, but…

    Rumor is Ariel, a talented write for his age, as I think EVERYONE here agress–is apparently going to be blogging for Heeb, Jewish Gifts Girl. Granted, it’s just Heeb, but I’m guessing that might prove (overall) a positive experience. Both as a writer, and perhaps, dare I say it, to Jewish identity.

    Only time will tell.

  15. Jewish Gifts Girl

    I’m glad to hear that, DK, that Ariel will be writing for Heeb. Very glad, as it shows I’m wrong and that he will be part of the community and conversation and not dejected and crying as I imagined. So then Heeb is just fucking with us, the readers, and not disclosing that Ariel is in on the joke? I should expect no less. MF*ers.

    And, yes Heeb is establishment because unfortunately there is no other Jewish mag for our generation that is as high quality. There’s no other Jewish mag that gets the media attention as Heeb mag.

  16. ck

    OMG. I like Ariel. He seems like a cool kid and I think he would appreciate the humor of this piece. I mean this is Heeb fer chrissakes, not The Tikkun Olam Quarterly! I loved this line: By the time we left the Church, I could only say one thing, “Jesus Christ!” Anyone who can come up with that can handle some light hearted ribbing. And a 15 year old is not a child! If Ariel gets involved with the new chapter of the Crips in San Francisco, shoots up the Bambino Wine Bar and kills a sommelier as part of an initiation ritual, he’s old enough to be tried as an adult. So yeah. People need to chill.

  17. Steve

    I also can’t understand why the “Heeb staffer”‘s name has been blacked out in this email exchange. Why not publish it here so we can nominate him/her for the “heeb 100” in both the comedy and journalism catagories.

  18. kosherkingdom

    So now I am confuzzled… Ariel will write for Heeb- good. But please tell me that most of his original letter is made up too(“I love the IDF long time”, “Anti-zionism has to be equated with anti-semitism”…) Cause otherwise I’m really outta here.


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