Cinema’s Scariest Old Ladies

I finally watched Sam Raimi’s Drag Me to Hell on DVD the other night and haven’t been able to get its villain, Sylvia Ganush (Lorna Raver), out of my head. (If you haven’t yet seen that witch in action, I don’t know what you’re waiting for.) Perhaps it’s because that phlegmy wicked Hungarian gypsy –who puts a curse on the young beautiful Christine Brown (Alison Lohman) after the banker denies her a loan — sort of reminds me of my own dear bubbe.

Here’s a look at some of other frightening old wenchesin film historywho make me think of my tough battle-axe who’s currently raising hell in a Brooklyn senior center.

Ma Fratelli (The Goonies) wasn’t really that bold. I mean, her slurry speech wasn’t so much frightening as sad. It was mostly a reminder of all that cheap Scotch shemade her cowardly kids store in the liquor cabinet. Also, she lived in the pussyfoot state of Oregon and terrorized who? Little children? Low-hanging fruit.

Baby Jane Hudson (Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?), a.k.a. the drag queen who lives with her sister. Can’t be any more of a threat than The Golden Shower Girls.

Mrs. Bates (Psycho) is already dead. Plus, her son dresses up like a fruitcake to pretend to be her. Shiverin’ in my boots over here.

Science fair shit zaps out of her fingernails, sure, but Ms. Palpatine won’t even get out of her bathrobe to oversee galaxy rule. Just plain weak. Rent Drag Me to Hell already.

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