We’re in the midst of an epidemic. No, not swine flu, or measles (thanks Jenny McCarthy) – I’m talking about sudden proliferation of asinine Jewish themed click–bait listicles; 7 or 8 superficial observations about Jews that require minimal effort to create (“Guilt,” “Mothers,” “Boy aren’t Jews Hairy?” “Doctor or Lawyer?” – Boom – You’re done) while ensuring maximum sharing across your Facebook feed – Usually by idiots who should know better, but for some damn reason, don’t. Because hey, “they’re totally talking about us!!!!!!!!!!!”
The latest offender is Elite Daily, the upscale lifestyle publication which touts itself as “The Voice Of Generation-Y” (…Yeah, I know) who recently published a thousand words on “Why A Jewish Man Makes The Ideal Husband For Any Girl.”
Whoa-oh… And here I thought ThoughtCatalogue.com had a pretty airtight case when they argued that “Jewish Boys Are The Least Datable Boys” and…oh, nope, turns out that was just a brilliant rebuttal to their earlier doctoral thesis: “Jewish Boys Are The Most Datable Boys.”
Round and round we go – where we stop…well, everyone knows. Because, evidently, most websites can’t help but fall back on the most obvious clichés, time and time again, like a carousel spinning through the same crap, from the same sites, until we puke.
Look, if you’re going to write a Jewish listicle at least make it, Id’know…not quite so shitty?
Here’s one I came up with in about five minutes:
8 things Jewish Guys
Might Probably Call Their Penis
- The Little Rabbi
- Kosher Brisket
- The Penis Mottle Kemzoil
- The Peen-Tateuch
- Your “Birthright Israel Bus”
- Rabbi Moses Ben-Mydick (RAMBONE)
(BONUS: 1 Thing Jewish Guys Might Call Their Penis If They Weren’t Jewish: Pope Benedick)
See, was that so difficult?
Buzzfeed, Thought Catalogue, Elite Daily, listen up – There’s a whole wide world of Jewish listicles out there just waiting to be “curated” by your underpaid interns/freelancers; The world doesn’t need another Jewish mother joke, or trenchant observation on Jews and chest hair, or “Nice Jewish Boy” dating tip. If that’s what your listicle is all about, you should quit before you start.
Or better yet, leave it to the professionals.