_Heeb_ at Art Basel Miami

As a result of a spur of the moment decision, a cheap plane ticket and a free hotel room I find myself sitting at a computer in the press center of Art Basel Miami Beach, surrounded by two guys in multicolored pageboy caps, an older British gent who’s yelling into his cell phone “IT’S 0,1,1,4,4!” and, of course, other pasty-skinned journalists like me. Considering we’re in Miami, it’s amazing that not one speck of tan can be found in this room.

Anyway, speaking of hip glasses, the ocular wear here at the fairs is unbelievable. Never have I seen so many different shades of ugly and ostentatious. The Germans seem to like their glasses square and with lots of color (either in the actual frames or the lenses themselves). The Latin crowd go for the more rounded look, often with heavy gold or silver frames. The Russians don’t wear glasses. Most likely they have all had Lasik (cause that’s how oligarchs roll).

Wait, a Chris Kattan look-alike just walked by, with his arm in a homemade sling. Like a sling from the the 19th century. Think Sam Elliott in _Tombstone_ or Bill Pullman in _A League of Their Own_. That’s the funny thing about these art fairs: people seem to be trying to shine brighter than the art itself. They want to be part of the action and since they more than likely cannot afford to be buy a $30 million Picasso, they try to call attention to their hair or breasts or their crazy fashion choices or, in one terrible case, their rather large manhood petruding from their short-shorts.

If you do happen to be in Miami, I would suggest checking out the smaller fairs and exhibitions: “NADA”:http://www.newartdealers.org/miami/2007/, “Pulse”:http://www.pulse-art.com/pulse-miami.htm, the “Pierogi/Feldman”:http://www.art-agenda.com/displayshow.php?file=message_1164650861.txt thing. “SCOPE”:http://www.scopemiami.com/home.php?section=home is a little bit too big for my taste, but worth checking out nonetheless. Same for Design Miami, the sister event to Art Basel.

Well, a bunch of Australians are waiting for my computer, so maybe I’ll defy the stereotype of the ugly American and graciously give them my seat….

What do you think?