_Gov Love_: The _Heeb_ Review

Mom,

I would really appreciate it if you NOT read the following post. I love you, but I promise this will not be your cup of tea.

Gov Love is Hustler Video’s dramatization of the events that befell Eliot Spitzer that fateful night in a Washington DC hotel room

…Mom! I know you’re still reading. Cut it out, seriously.

As a porno flick, it gets the job done, but as far a political satire goes, beyond a few puny names (e.g. Eliot Splitz-her), it’s pretty flaccid. Now I know you are probably rolling your eyes, thinking that I’m some kind of porn snob but that’s not the case. I’m not looking for good dialogue scenes and Lord knows I don’t want any “love” scenes added. But, is it too much to ask for a little wry satire while the governor’s assistant (Marcus London) is reaming the lobbyist (Angela Stone), a girl whose orgasms put the Strokkur geyser to shame?

It is also surprising that the good people at Hustler didn’t make more use of the real-life juicy details of the Spitzer affair; for instance, it has been widely speculated that the reason Spitzer chose Ashley Alexandra Dupré was that she was known throughout the world of high class prostitution to have the most beautiful genitalia in the business. There’s also rumor of Spitzer’s proclivity for leaving on his knee-high stockings on during intercourse. This is fodder for great smut!

The high point of the movie is undoubtedly when two FBI agents (portrayed by Van Damage and Veronica Jett) are on a stakeout in the room adjacent to the Governor’s. After getting turned on by listening in on Splitz-her’s sex session, the agents decide to get scandalous themselves. There are also two fairly forgettable scenes: one between the pimp (Dino Bravo) and the madam (Kayla Paige) of the “Pimperors club” and another between two bored call girls (Emma Heart and Kissy Kapri). The finale, between Splitz-her (played as a one note letch by 53-year old porn vet Mike Horner) and Kristen (Cassandra Cruz) is the only scene with any sense of verisimilitude, which is to say that Cruz seems like she’s completely going through the motions. Probably accurate, but not very satisfying after the buildup.

Well mom, you’re probably still reading, I hope you’re happy.

What do you think?