In an attempt to convince adults that teaching Christian values to children is important, “Life Savers Ministries,” an Alabama-based church group, ran a billboard with the famous quote, “He alone, who owns the youth, gains the future.” A powerful sentiment said by a once powerful man, known for his charisma, nationalistic devotion, and the slaughter of twelve million people.
A brilliant advertising ploy to be sure. So brilliant, that other businesses and organizations would do well to follow the model! Here are a few suggestions of other famous quotes from infamous dictators, and those who might benefit by adding their wisdom into their advertisements.
For the TBS network. Put down those books and instead check out our new summer lineup!
For Orkin Pest Control. Don’t let your termite infestation removal be a tragedy, let it be a statistic!
For PETA. Eating flesh would be fine if it wasn’t for the sodium content. Go veggie!
For Behr Paint’s weatherproofing wood stain. We may have lost the war in Vietnam, but your summer patio can win the war against rain damage!
For the National Child Care Association. Let us fight the war, you go get a pedicure.
A no-brainer for The National Rifle Association. Get out the vote, suckas!
For General Motors. Just because there was a faulty ignition switch doesn’t mean it was really anybody’s fault.
For The Writer’s Guild of America. Holy shit, this one actually makes sense.
And finally . . . .
For Reese’s Cups. Because anyone who doesn’t love Reese’s doesn’t deserve to live on this planet.