The Strange, Terrible Case of Jew Frizzle

[Editor’s note: Occasionally we come across things that even we are at a loss to explain. The following video, by rapper “Jew Fizzle” is one of those things. So, to help make sense out of Mr. Frizzle’s track “Dip It Low”, we asked for some help from a noted Hip-Hop expert. Here’s what he had to say.]

I know that Jew Frizzle has listened to rap before. I can’t surmise this from his flow (choppy at best), his voice (Generic White Teen), or his delivery (a literal mumble). My only indicator is his wholesale aping of rap vocabulary in his attempt to… I can’t really tell you what Jew Frizzle was attempting, but I can’t imagine that he succeeded.

Let’s start with the video, what little of it there is. The first frame reads “WHORESHACK RECORDS,” which is offensive both for its misogyny and for being an awful pun. The rest of the “video” is a still image, which I’ll assume to be his album cover. It involves the rapper sitting on a sensible car with its hood popped, with two other sensible cars chilling nearby. I don’t doubt that Jew Frizzle has tried to race his mom’s Taurus in lieu of the murdered-out Lambo of his dreams. I also don’t doubt that this is the kind of kid who has crashed that car because “dude you HAVE to hear this new Korn album.”

The song itself, however, reaches past the boilerplate crappiness of the whole endeavor. It’s shocking just how terrible he managed to make his song. The most noticeable shortcoming is in the mastering; I couldn’t hear any of his lyrics clearly, his boring monotone covered up by a beat I can only imagine was made with the default sounds in Garage Band. Let’s take a look at these lyrics and see just how terrible they are.

“Hanging with my boys, the Chief Money Crew/ rolling weed, smoking blunts, who we pass em to”

Maybe it isn’t a good idea to rap about weed if you don’t have a solid grasp on the process of smoking. I’m no Snoop Dogg, but I’m pretty sure you put the weed INSIDE the blunt if you want to smoke it. Don’t smell up the station wagon, Jew Frizzle, your sister has soccer practice at five.

“When you shake that ass, girl, don’t you stop/ when you drop it to the floor, don’t come back up.”

This is the first half of the chorus, in which our rapper decides to mirror hits like Juicy J’s “Bandz A Make Her Dance” and French Montana’s “Pop That.” The rest of it is the phrase “dip it low” run through a series of very minor vocal filters. Studio magic! The crucial difference between Jew Frizzle and his betters shines through here: charisma. Juicy J can pull off a song with the line “you say no to drugs/ Juicy J can’t.” French Montana mumbles in a way very similar to Jew Frizzle, except he’s a clever and fun person with good lyrics. I don’t know how much of this I can say about Mr. J. Frizzle.

“I be playing with these girls like they motherfucking toys”

If there’s one thing I hate more than padding out your line with multisyllabic curses, it’s lazy misogyny for its own sake. Step your game up, Frizzle.

“Keep her working like it’s motherfucking high school.”

I think we’re done here.

If you listen to this song (don’t) or any of his others, including an inexplicable screamo cover of Black and Yellow, you’ll be led down a rabbit hole of poor enunciation and uninspired lyrics. Think a mumblecore movie written by Pitbull after a bout of dementia and you’ll have an idea of the caliber of ideas being played with here. I’m sure I could find a redeeming quality to this song, but that would involve listening to it again. Nobody should be put through two plays of this garbage.

What do you think?