Notorious J.A.P: The Persh

So this guy wants to go out with me. He’s a Persh. He’s in my calculus class. Most of my class is Asians and Geeks. 30% Asian, 70% Geek. Asians are a different type of geek. Asians can be pretty and geeks. Asians can have Asian mannerisms and still be geeks. The Jewish kids aren’t all Jew-wey. Some of them are okay. Most of the okay ones are Reform. Our math teacher is mad hot, he looks like a coked-out surfer. Me and a couple of other cool girls are like, “Lol… Pythagorean theorem.” It’s a fun class.

So this guy in the school plays in jazz choir. He’s smart and a drama kid, takes a lot of APs, and is really, really nice. He’s liked me for awhile, but I didn’t like him back. But now I do.

I was making out with this other dude before I went to my sister’s, but I don’t like him. I’m not a slut, I wasn’t so into it, and he was like, “I may want to be with you.” He’s just scared because I’m like, “I don’t really want a boyfriend right now.” I kinda like this sophomore, the bitchiest, prettiest girl in school is in love with him. But he’s not really into me :(. He used to be so sweet and compliment me, and snuggle on the couches in the lounge with me, and now he doesn’t even come next to me anymore. He was out for a couple of days, sick, and I tried to rekindle and even changed my Facebook profile to something prettier, but I guess the spark went away.

So I was very hesitant to say anything to the Persh, but since the sophmore wasn’t being receptive, I decided I’d go with the Persh, since he’s really, really nice. He’s the brother of my really good friend. He has really good hair, like his sister. He’s 6’1. He’s not the most attractive person in the world, but he has an Audi. We went to the Sculpture Park. He’s didn’t want to go there, he’s Persh, so he doesn’t care. But he must be smart, because he took like ten APs.

It was 2:30 in the morning, on vacation, and we pretended that it was 2:30 after school. And I pulled my seat back, and he did these strange things like, “I got your nose!” And I leaned forward, and that’s when we kissed. Right before he had to leave, he said, “You’re too pretty for me.”

I thought that it was really sweet that he said that. But maybe I am too pretty for him.

What do you think?

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The international media conspiracy and/or the new Jew review. Take your pick.

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