All told, the Coen Brother’s The Big Lebowski boasts an impressive average 2.2 FPM (“fucks”-per-minute) over the course of its nearly two hour runtime.
The following audio – taken aboard the Bar Mitzvah bus from hell (well, Scarsdale, which is close enough) and posted to a local blog – makes Lebowski seem positively tame, clocking in with 13 “fucks” in just 1.40 minutes. The voice you hear belongs to none other than the bus chaperone – Yes, chaperone – who was hired to ensure the 12 and 13 year old partygoers stay safe. He does this by screaming, threatening, and generally acting like a complete psychopath.
The chaperone, while wildly unsuited for dealing with children, does show potential for a career as head coach of the Rutgers University basketball team.
***UPDATE***
It seems that the audio file has been removed from YouTube. Fortunately, Scarsdale10533 has the transcription. To get the full effect, we recommend reading this aloud, screaming at the top of your lungs like a crazy person:
“Who did it? Do it again, you fuck, and you’re fucked! The driver will kill you! He will kill you! One more time, you will die, you will bleed, out of your fucking nose! That’s right I’m spitting in your fucking eye! Ever do that again and you will die, got it? DEATH! You fuck! You spoiled fuck! Spoiled fuck! Do it again, and you’re dead. Did you learn your fucking lesson…ever again…fucking spoiled brat! That’s right don’t ever do it again and I know it was you, you cocky little shit. Death! It was an accident? You purposely threw it at our heads. Do you want these kids to die? You’re first out this fucking door! Welcome to my WORLD! You fuck! How do you feel now? Like the piece of spoiled shit that you are…little piece of shit. Learn something boys? Fucking spoiled brats…all of you. Fucking throwing hard things at people who are driving the bus and saving your life?”
***UPDATE TWO***
Looks like someone ripped the audio and put it up on soundcloud. Enjoy…
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they’ve taken it down, even on YT. do you have it somewhere else?
MG: transcript and audio here – http://www.scarsdale10583.com/201305203271/neighborhood-news/chaperone-goes-beserk-on-bat-mitzvah-bus.html
https://soundcloud.com/scarsdale10583/barmitzvahrant
This is not a news story, it’s a subject of parental negligence.
Let’s be clear – the truest thing he said was “spoiled brats”. A bus full of evil kids from Scarsdale who were chucking stuff at the bus driver? I’m sure their parents were nowhere to be found. Rich, entitled kids showing a lack of respect for their elders and making fun of people in less-than-white collar jobs.