If Jewdar Ran the Israeli Foreign Ministry…

We’re sure one day someone will write a beyond fascinating dissertation on the subject, but for now, we’ll simply note that the Flotilla Fiasco is simply one more bit of proof that back in the day, the Jews who knew PR came here instead of to the Holy Land.

Had a few more headed thataway, Israel wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place, because there never would have been a blockade. Instead, the Israeli Navy would have set up a “Humanitarian Aid Channel” to guide such aid through Ashdod to Gaza as efficiently as possible. Jewdar would have liked to see a bunch of activists trying to mess up the “Humanitarian Aid Channel.”

It’s not too late to save the situation, however. All Israel needs to do is announce, in big,big, big letters, that it is lifting the blockade. Then, after “Israel Lifts Blockade!” in big print, will come the fine print that mentions that all humanitarian aid will pass through Ashdod to Gaza.

There are several possibilities that arise from this:
1. People see the headline, say “Well, that’s reasonable of Israel,” and don’t read the fine print.
2. People see the headline, read the fine print, don’t know where Ashdod is, and still think Israel is reasonable.
3. People see the headline, read the fine print, say “Israel hasn’t changed anything, humanitarian aid could already reach Gaza through Ashdod” at which point Israel says “Aha!”

Sadly, this seems unlikely–most of the Jews who appreciate a good Borscht Belt routine also ended up here.

What do you think?

About The Author


The Tel Aviv-born, Milwaukee-bred Jewdar has a bachelors' from the University of Wisconsin, a Masters from NYU, and an Honorable Discharge from the US Army, where he spent two years as an infantryman in the 101st Airborne Division. He's the co-author of "The Big Book of Jewish Conspiracies", the Humor Editor of Heeb Magazine, and a watcher of TV. Smarter than most funny people, funnier than most smart people, he lives on the Lower East Side with his wife and two sons.

11 Responses

  1. Lara

    Do you think Josh can bring this idea to the White House next time he’s there? It’s brilliant! Better yet, propose a

  2. DK

    I was afraid you were going to be tempted to do something funny about the Flotilla, but am glad you chose not to.

  3. jewdar

    geez Kelsey, it’s bad enough enough on your website I get verbally assaulted by your WN buddies, but now you have to come here and hock me on mine?

  4. jewdar

    A nice idea, Lara, but I’ve had Josh over–what makes you think he’s going to be invited back?

  5. jewdar

    See, now I’m confused, Kelsey–are you defending yourself, your WN BFFs, or Josh?

  6. DK

    jewdar, I resent your suggestions that I have only recently begun to “hock” you on your site. I have been hocking you for years, long before WNs or Klan members knew who you were. And I will probably be hocking you long after they have forgotten who you are.


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