Here’s The “The Thing” Scene I’d Like to See in Fantastic Four

For the past few months, I’ve been living in fear that The Thing in the new Fantastic Four movie wouldn’t be Jewish. He’s my all-time favorite hero – sensitive, loyal, hates his body – it’s like Stan Lee knows me. For a while there was mounting evidence that he wasn’t Jewish – he’s played by Billy Fucking Elliot, and Denny’s Thing Burger is so far away from Kosher that no one’s even asking what’s in the ‘punch-packing Thing sauce.’ I was happy to see Michael B. Jordan cast as Johnny Storm, he’s so good I’d watch him play Sarah Palin in Game Change 2: Trump Card, but I gotta root root root for my own race, and I was worried Ben Grimm’s heritage would be whitewashed or ignored.

I got word from NYMag‘s Abraham Riesman late Wednesday night that everything was going to be okay. There’s a lingering shot of a Menorah in Ben Grimm’s childhood home, and that suits me just fine. He’s not from Brooklyn, which sucks, but there’s also no forced Yiddish, no Superman-falling-to-earth-in-a-Christ pose moment where he parts a sea of cosmic rays, and I’m just fine with that.

And the thing is, The Thing isn’t even a practicing Jew, which I really enjoy. If he answered his Mom’s email about High Holidays plans like I still haven’t, I wouldn’t be able to relate. Critical reception to the new movie has not been kind. But why would I complain about the movie when I’m a writer myself with all the powers bestowed to me by a registered version of Final Draft?

Here’s what I was hoping to see:

What do you think?