Hair Cubed

Canucks. They’re not the benign, poutine-eating nerds from the North you thought they were. In fact, they just might be anti-semites! Case in point: this ad for a terrible bald-spot spray-paint called Hair Cubed.

In a commercial that could have been made any time between 1989 and 2001 (hard to tell), a goy named “Lloyd” sports the world’s ugliest kippah in order to cover his shameful bald spot (if only Lloyd know there’s nothing more shameful than being Jewish and wearing a yarmulke). When “Cindy,” his gauche acquaintance, notices the black satin Kilimanjaro sitting atop his head she blurts out “I didn’t know you were Jewish!”

Oh babygirl sweety-pie: Lloyd’s not Jewish: he’s just lost in a one-man diaspora of duplicity. But after a nice, toxic dousing of Hair Cubed, Lloyd doesn’t need to hide beneath his five-cent prayer cap or Judaism. So he abandons both. And the next time Cindy sees him, he’s no longer Jewish or bald. Which means now…he’s doable.

Text by Megan Neuringer

What do you think?

About The Author


The international media conspiracy and/or the new Jew review. Take your pick.

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