BY: MOSHE KASHER
Heres a little article I call , “My favorite tweets from my favorite tweeters” aka, Im in australia and would prefer to have sex with this kangaroo I paid to keep in my room than to waste time writing articles.
Here are some of the funniest voices from twitter. And they are all bad people! Follow them all but beware of meeting them in person or sleeping with them (HPV)
@chelseavperetti
My dear friend Chelsea is a writer on NBC’s Parks and Rec but on twitter you get her jokes advertising free. Also we went to Middle School together:
“ I wish I was a detective I want to sit in my car in the dark on the street all night and cry. That’s what detectives do right?’
@brendonwalsh
This guy is nice, funny and has a beard. He never lets it get him down that he is slowly dying of Lou Gehrigs disease either:
“ I’m doing a 1 minute cleanse (that’s what I call wiping my ass)”
@Slashleen
She’s a twitter savant from Toronto. Funny without training. Except the lack of love in her childhood (I’m guessing!)
“Good news: I just made 20 dollars. Bad news: Shit tastes even worse than it smells.”
@jondaly
Jon is a good man with good ideas. We were going to do a world tour together but we decided to just chat over the internet instead:
“Just heard the Sane Clown Posse’s new song “We should Stop Doing this forever”
@nickthune
Handsome but not obnoxiosly so. Obnoxious but not handsomely so.
“Just heard AT&T is merging with cans connected by a string.”
@joemande
This guy is a provocateur par excellence (I dont know what that means either)
“Liz Taylor made a sex tape??? RT @ HYPERLINK “http://twitter.com/KimKardashian”KimKardashian: I am so saddened about the passing of Elizabeth Taylor! She will always be my idol!”
And the final tweeter for this week is :
This guy is tall, hairy and married so none of you ladies can fuck him (but you will wish to).
@robdelaney
“It makes me sick to think that there are children in Africa or Greece or whatever that haven’t seen my tweets.”
Ok that’s a good start. Follow them all and be happy. I’ll do a part two next week so all of you can experience more joy in your lives.
Until then.
Fuck you.
Sincerely ,
@moshekasher (ps im better than all of the above named tweeters. No, seriously.)
Moshe Kasher is a stand up comedian who can be seen this Thursday at 11:59pm on Comedy Central on the John Oliver Stand Up Program. And will be performing at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival for the next two weeks. He also has an above average sized penis.
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