Birth Control Pills: A Jewish Guy’s Secret Weapon

According to a new study in the science journal Trends in Ecology & Evolution, things are looking up for short and shrimpy Jewish guys. The study finds that hormones in oral contraceptive pills may make women less attracted to masculine men and more drawn to wimpy, boyish types. If this is the case, the "silent Holocaust" a.k.a. intermarriage (my Judaic Studies professor’s favorite topic) may be over. Now Jewish women lose interest in rippling abs and bulging biceps and start to find the nebbishy Woody Allens of the world irresistible. So saddle up, Jewy weaklings. Your time has come. Go forth and plant your seed. No need to worry about Tay-Sachs. After all, your lady is on the pill.

What do you think?

About The Author

Lauren Soroken

Lauren Soroken was raised in north Florida but now resides in Brooklyn where Heeb tried to dress her up as Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS her first day on the job.

24 Responses

  1. rachelsofia

    Heeb, you have finally crossed the line. You have lost a loyal reader and I gotta say, it felt awful canceling my subscription, but I don’t feel comfortable supporting you racist, sexist, bigoted, self-hating losers any longer. You used to be witty and in

    Reply
  2. Used2BAMacher

    I agreed wholeheartedly with RachelSofia. There are so many things wrong with this tiny little blurb that I don’t even know where to start.

    Reply
  3. Puck

    I’m not sure what the offensive part is…and nobody takes offense more readily (and happily) than I.
    Is it the stereotype of the weedy Jewish man?
    Have you nailed a Jewish boy lately? They’re generally either weedy and bookish or…well, let’s say “ov

    Reply
  4. mrnhghts

    I don’t understand the outrage. This is, FWIW, the best news I have heard in a long time.

    Clearly you people have a “No news is good news” policy.

    I, for one, will pre-qualify dating candidates by finding out if they are on the pill.

    In today’s tough

    Reply
  5. snuffweedbooze

    Can’t say I’m in the Woody Allen camp.
    More of a Cope dippin’, Beer chuggin’, Tractor pull goin’ good ol’ boy that will not impress your parents, if they’re big city snobs.
    If y’all feel like takin’ me home to your kin, I might dust off my Cowboy hat and

    Reply
  6. iconic

    Woody Allen…again.
    Maybe, an example of nebbishness, who isn’t seventy five years old??

    Reply
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