Two Parts Smirnoff, One Part Cotton Wad on a String

This New Year’s Eve, there’s a new cool way to get drunk off your ass (or vagina). Just soak your tampons in vodka! It’s extreme, dangerous, and absolutely disgusting. So, there’s just one question… Why didn’t my generation think of it first?! Obviously, today’s teens are far craftier than we were ten years ago. A novel way to get wasted without making your breath smell? You can get drunk and do your homework at the same time! Multitasking at its very best, and all it will cost you is a raging yeast infection.

And here’s a fun New Years tip: Double your drunk IQ by tampon-ing while you drink! You’ll get drunker, twice as fast, and because the vodka will make you sterile, you won’t need to worry about the morning after pill! Yes indeed, 2012 is gonna be a great year!

 Just add noisemaker for epic New Year’s fun!

What do you think?

About The Author

SASS

Megan Sass is a natural redhead. She is also a writer, actor, and Hebrew School teacher. Turn-ons include: Boxer Dogs, Falafel, and Fanboys (especially those residing in the capital of the DC Universe). You can follow her on twitter at @Megan_Sass.

4 Responses

  1. Frank

    Vodka Tampons (an engineering perspective):
    Can someone explain how silica based adsorbents are kept from comingling with the Vodka? As appealing as tampon-juice vodka sounds, it seems to me that the chemically influenced absorptive properties of tampons self-nullify in a vodka transport scenario. I am also a guy. In case it’s important.

    Reply
  2. Laibish Chaim

    Megan, Is this something you have done or have evidence for, or is this an urban myth you are passing on as responsible journalism?

    Reply
  3. SASS
    SASS

    Laibish, Are you kidding, or did you not check the hyperlink? And I prefer not to make public what I have and have not stuck up my snooz hole.

    Reply

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