Stuff Hipsters Hate: Anyone Their Parents Think is Suitable to Date

Mom: So whatever happened to that boy you were seeing?

Rebecca: I wasn’t “seeing” him, Mom. We were just hanging out.

Mom: Are you still “hanging out”?

Rebecca: No, his band went on tour.

Mom: Well, is there anyone else special hanging around?

Rebecca: I dunno. I mean, sometimes I hang out with this performance artist—but he’s always out shooting B-roll for his experimental shorts.

Mom: I ask because Michelle’s mom—you remember Michelle? You two were in third grade together and she used to come over and you would paint lovely pictures of horses at the kitchen table?

Rebecca: No.

Mom: Well, I ran into her mom and she said Mary’s older brother Jeremy has started his own company in Boston and he’s single. I really think, honey, that you’re such an artistic soul that it’s really destructive to date other artistic souls, so maybe a nice, serious boy—like an engineer, or Jeremy—

Rebecca: Jeremy? That kid who ironed his Chinos and always wore those really shiny tasseled shoes? That Jeremy?

Mom: I suppose so… He’s really…

Rebecca: Sorry, Mom. Daven is texting me and he’s got a little time between shoots, so I gotta bounce. [hangs up]

Mom: …very nice.

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