Didn’t get enough Roseanne Barr in The Germany Issue? Lucky for you, we had more choice Barr quotes than we could fit into the magazine. Here’s her thoughts and more pictures, including the Polaroid of Roseanne and Heeb writer, Oliver Noble that is mentioned at the end of "That Oven Feelin‘"…
…on brisket I am more a pot roast than a brisket kind [of woman]. Brisket is too tough for me. This is kind of an unspoken intra-ethnic Jewish secret. Like darker ethnic women know, you must burn those pots! You must use chicken fat and olive oil—not dairy or pareve. You must brown those onions for 10 full minutes before the garlic, and then, when it is properly smooshy, you throw in the meat. You do not drain the juices! Our culture is based on animal fat, after all. Kosher salt and sweet paprika is the key. Cook covered on top of the stove. This is the Sephardic way, and it is far superior to the brisket-eating Ashkenazi-cum-Zionist way.
…on hecklers I like to invite the heckler to say his peace/piece, then I say, â€˜Thank you for sharing,’ and I ask his name and say, â€˜May I call you Dick for short?’ That always works. For women I say, â€˜Shut up bitch—I mean, right on, Sisterhood.’
…on politics The rich ain’t going anywhere. They are done with that Christian Right- type stuff—there’s no more money in it. They have become the Christian Left now.
…on vegans Vegans are all coke-sniffing, cigarette-smoking faux socialists who listen to music that has no melody at all, so fuck them.
…on, um, macadamia nuts (because why the fuck not?): The macadamia nut is of higher evolutionary purpose than all of the Jewish people put together joined with all other human life on this planet. It knows exactly what is expected of it, and it does it with no questions asked and no inner conflict and no â€˜free will.’ It falls to the ground when its ready to be eaten, and is all protein, no carbohydrate. No human being can come close to that kind of perfection.